Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Tat Party Dude

Let me start by saying, yes this is in my kitchen. Jay is a professional tattoo artist and maintains a clean sterile tattoo environment. So if any tattoo snobs are reading this, and feel the need to yack about this or that, don't bother, because I don't wanna hear it.....Now that that's over.....

The tat party started about midnight on Saturday. We were bored and Melissa thought it would be a fantastic idea to tattoo Jay. What better person to try out her first tattoo on? Really, the ONLY person who would let her do her first tattoo on them.Jay agreed to let her tattoo her name on him, but he would tattoo his on her too. It was pretty awesome. She hurt Jay...bad.....just look....only a mama could love a face like this.....
Evidently it hurts like ass to have your knee cap tattooed. Like worse than stomach being tattooed. So Jay says. I say what a sissy.
When Melissa finished and Jay quit whinin', Jay tattooed my other foot. After about my 6th speeding ticket, they always said I had a lead foot, so I figered when I got all growed up and stuff, I'd get that tattooed on my right foot. Now I'm all growed up and now I got it! WOO HOO!
It hurt. All tattoos do, down by my toes, that shit REALLY hurt. It was the kinda hurt where my body shook all weird and stuff. There was no cussing and name calling like when Brandy did my chest though, so I guess it wasn't that bad.

Jay had ALWAYS said I could tattoo him and since he loves me more than anybody ever, it wasn't fair for Melissa to tattoo him and not me. Yep, it was also My VERY FIRST TATTOO A DOIN'! I bent him over and stuck it to him real good.....All I gotta say is for the rest of Jay's life, whenever he shows is hairy little ass to people (and he does it A LOT), he'll also be showin' a wonky ass Hello Kitty tattoo......a hairy wonky ass Hello Kitty at that. Too bad the sissy wouldn't let me color in the ribbon. Sissy.
Through out all the tattooin' debauchery, these two goobs stood around and watched. I love these two goobs.Last, but not least was Melissa living up to her end of the bargain. See the satisfaction Jay's gettin'? He's all "yeah that's right...take that hooka!"Now, every time Melissa bends over and the back of her shirt comes up just oh so slightly, not only will people get an eye full of her thong, tha, thong, thong, thong, they'll see just how much "J Rules!". By the look on her face, I'm guessing it wasn't so awesome.....She's a total sissy too (I can totally say that, there's no proof that I was a sissy).
Our very first tat party was totally awesome dude. Fer sure.

.....and as promised, here's the early Christmas present J gave me. Yeah, that shit's real genUwine 14 karat gold with real diamonds. MMhhhmmmm...that's right.....gold and diamonds. They say the chick that had it before me (it totally came from a pawn shop) knocked out a few of her boyfriend's gold toofes when she beat him up and had this ring made out of them. 100% pure freakin' awesomeness.
I hope all you bitches have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and to all my friends, I love you all and can't wait to see y'all on the 27th!


Loopy said...

HOLYSHIIIETE! That is the most awesome ring ever.
What would make it oh so slightly better is if it was a mirrored image, so when you punch someone out, it reads BITCH! Boo-ya!

lorraine renee said...

I seriously cant believe Jay let you tattoo Hello Kitty on his ass.... damn girl you got so hell of a pull.

Hope you, Jeremy and the kids have a great Christmas!

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