Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Speakin' of Idiocy

When I was 14, a friend told me they had taken the word gullible out of the dictionary. I asked "why?"..... she said "You're so gulllible"...I said "yeah, whatever...now why did they take the word out of the dictionary?" Again, she said "You're so gullible." ........"fine, I'm gullible...now why the hell'd they take the damn word outta the diction....."


Then it hit me. I got it. I'd never felt more like an idiot than I did at that very moment.

I'd like to think of myself as a pretty smart chick....maybe not in the book sense, but at least in COMMONsense. However.....I took things to a whole new level of idiocy that day....and I ain't proud to say it, but I FAR surpassed that today...and despite the fact that I haven't blogged in MONTHS, I felt the need to share just what a gullible idiot I can be.

.....and so it goes.....

Today on my lunch break I picked up a Creative Loafing. I'm just readin'away....doo doo doo doo doo doo (my readin' noise you see)..and I take pause when I read that Atlanta's broke ass transit system is gonna start transportin' livestock for extra cash.....somethin'about a new train line that'll go out to the country or some junk. Hmmmm...ok...weird....but whatever.

I'm kinda just a skimmer when it comes to readin' news stories so I flip the page and read that one of Atlanta's fanciest restaurants, Bacchinalia, is closin' and the owners have decided to open a chain of hot dog stands. What the fuck? Really???....that's fucked up.....

Interestin' stuff here....so I flip back again......to read some junk about Big Poppa's true identity finally bein' revealed. Whether we want to admit it or not, most all of us know who Kim Zolciack is....and to know Kim Zolciack is to have heard of Big Poppa......right? Well according to the latest Creative Loafing, Atlanta's very own Mayor Kasim Reed is Big Poppa. "Ain't no fuckin' way", I say outloud catchin' the attention of my co-worker Kansas. So I explain to her....even though she claims to have never heard of Kim OR Big Poppa (she totally lies).....I get fed up with playin' her "I don't know who that is" game so I went to someone in another department that I was sure knew who they were....

.....and that person said...."I thought Big Poppa was a white dude who owned that mall that had their power cut off...."

So I went to grab the paper and bring it back to show her......

When I got back to her she was on the phone with a customer.....

So I flip the page to see if there are any more detes about Atlanta's mayor bonin' the wig wearin', Google Me singin' Kim Z......and then somethin' else catches my eye.....

"Clermont Lounge Leaves Namesake for City Hall East"......

Now, I've heard all kindsa tales about the Clermont Hotel bein' foreclosed on and what would become of the fancy strip club that occupied its basement......and here was the latest.....

The Clermont Lounge had moved in August to the former City Hall East building in Atlanta and was now called Blondie's Geriatric Jiggle Joint.

My first thought....."The Clermont moved in August? Where the fuck was I? Then......"Geriatric Jiggle Joint? I wonder how the young girls that work there feel about that......maybe they ain't got any young girls anymore....." Then...."I can't imagine Blondie lettin' anybody call her geriatric......"

Then it hit me.....

I almost franticlly flipped back a page to re-read the title of the article. "2011 the Year in Review".

Wait a dadgum minute. It's only four frikkin' days into 2011. What the sam hell's goin ' on here?......annnnnd then the lightbulb clicks on.

So yeah....Atlanta's Mayor totally ain't Big Poppa....you'll find no pigs or chickens on Marta....the owners of Bacchanalia ain't openin' up a bunch of hot dog stands.....and you can still sit at the sticky ass duct taped bar in the basement of the Clermont and check out some 66 year old vag.

As for me.....I quit. I'm done. You hear me? Done.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Fluffidermy!

I would say 90% of my friends are into buyin' taxidermy. The stuff that lined the walls of my family's homes is more popular than ever! The difference bein' that my family shot that junk themselves and proudly displayed their trophies and ate the rest....

Seein' as how the closest I get to huntin' is huntin' the best deals possible on groceries and I can barely afford toilet paper these days taxidermy ain't gonna find itself to the already awesome walls of my house anytime soon.

HOWEVER......

You know, I've been makin' my Battle Scrarred Bears again and in the midst of all the hubub over taxidermy, I decided to start puttin' their sweet little heads on plaques.....and voila!......my own dadgum taxidermy........FLUFFIDERMY!!!


I've seen lots of other crafty made....uhhhh....idermy, and even proudly display feltidermy by girlsavage on one of my walls. Fluffidermy is my spin on the awesome that is stuffed craft ...idermy!.....and dammit....even though I didn't kill nothin' I made it and it's hangin' on my wall!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

East Atlanta Strut 2010


I've been sewin' my fingers off tryin' to get ready for the East Atlanta Strut. It was the first show I had ever done and it was a BLAST! Bein' used to your standard kinda craft shows, you know the ones.....wood cut into silly stuff, marsh mellow guns, lace and potpourri, you can imagine my excitement when I was accepted to do the Strut, which ain't your mama's craft show.

After three years, I've decided to give it a go again. I've really focused on my bears since that's what I really enjoy makin' and it's what everyone seemed to like best. You definitely won't find anything else like 'em out there! They're all sad lookin' and junk.....and people wanna hug 'em when they see 'em.

I started sewin' these guys three years ago and after readin' an article in a magazine about a man that went to war, was burned badly while there and came home to his finance, married her and made babies with her despite all his scars, I was inspired to make the Battle Scarred. Most of 'em are missin' limbs and are just beggin' to be loved.

"We all have scars. Some are in the inside, some are on the outside, but no matter what, we all still need to be loved!"



This year, I'll have some of my aprons made outta vintage pillow cases.....



Some Christmas stockings.....



and rings made outta vintage buttons......

Life has definitely been crazy lately, so I hope to really do well at the show! Can't freakin' wait! See y'all the 18th!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

June 28 - I Heart Faces Pet Entry



I know, I know....it's be FOREVER since I last posted, but life has majorly gotten in the way. Lots and lots of ups and downs....well mostly downs, but who am I to complain?

....and I'm totally not about to be a Debbie Downer and start whinin'.....that'll come later...I promise.....I'm doin' this here post 'cuz I wanna have an awesome picture of our ol' Wheezy Lee and Vin to be posted on the I Heart Faces Blog. It's my first time and Lord knows I probably ain't gonna get it right the first 1,600 times I try, but I'm gonna give it a go anyhow.

Despite life totally suckin' these days, I do have a constant source of entertainment....when she's not being a total crappin' machine that is.....

I introduced Wheezy Lee to y'all a while back and she's been growin' like mad. To catch you up on everything you've missed, she hates swimmin' despite my best efforts....she refuses to be crate trained.....she thinks the couch is her personal bed and pushes the pillows all over the place.....I still say she's totally narcoleptic....and she likes to chew on the house and garden hoses, and toes. Yeah.

When we first brought her home we had some problems with Lil' Vin wantin' to eat her face off....


.....but now she towers over him so he's pretty much given up that fight. Bless his heart.....

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

FML

This whole tryin' to be positive shit ain't workin' today.....or for the past few days as a matter of fact.

I'm tired. My mind hasn't absorbed so much learnin' since I was like.....I dunno.....youngish.

You know what learnin' overkill does to me? Shuts me down.....fucks me up. All this thinkin' straight at the new job ain't lettin' me think straight anywhere else. I get home and my brain turns to fondue. I'm so, so, so tired.

On top of this tired shit, my weekends are PACKED...and now I have no money for these packed weekends. Not only did I take a HUGE pay cut, but Jeremy's job just decided that his position is no longer needed....so.....they've put him back to what he did when he first started workin' there three years ago and MAJORLY cut his pay. MAJORLY.

When the fuck does this stop?

I've said over and over.....good things come to good people. What'd I do that ain't good?????

I even gave that chick standin' at the exit beggin for money a $20 bill because I felt bad for her because her shoes were shit. Yeah. TWENTY DOLLARS.

....and, and...this whole couponing shit......takes up way too much of my time and I'm not sure how well it's gonna work for me. Today I spent $71 and saved $54.01. What'd that $71 get me? Not a damned thing I woulda otherwise bought. Well except a $20 prescription, toilet paper. lettuce and some bread. Everything else is shit I wouldn't have even bought. So let's do the math.....spent $71.....only $31.25 was shit I needed....that mean I wasted $39.75. I mean I woulda bought some cereal which I got 4 boxes of, but I got a bunch of cereal already.........so with the amount of time I spend cuttin' coupons, matchin' up deals and makin' my list is it really worth it? I don't see it. I'll give it a couple more weeks though.

I need to start makin' bears again. I know I've said it like 100 times already, but I really do. What's holdin' me back???? First, my sewing room is still shit from after the 814 times that our basement flooded over the last 8 months. It's hard to get motivated when you don't even know where shit is. I need neat and clean to get motivated. Second....time. Between life in general, couponing and jam packed weekends, I got none. Third......the whole havin' a brain made outta fondue, I'm lucky I remember to wear a bra to work.

I need a break. From reality.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Miss Mamie's Cupcakes

These......

Came from Miss Mamie's Cupcakes on the Marietta Square....



and so did these......and they're totally gonna add another month to my already pregnant lookin' belly.....




Behold the beauty.....



I had NO idea this place was just right up the road from me. I, like everybody else worship cupcakes and when Chewy told me about it at like 9 on a Friday night, I grabbed my keys and was out the door. Ok, so I wasn't but if I thought for half a second they were open, I woulda went.....footy pajamas and all.....

We made plans to go the next day when Chewy was finished workin' and I know I had sent her a text before the sun even came up askin' her what the hell was takin' so danged long........

When we got there I was overwhelmed.....how could I only choose one?!?!



I ended up gettin' rocky road and reese's.....Chewy got margarita and strawberry......and the girl got lemon and devil's food.

I don't get the whole fruit and cupcakes thing.....and after the girl licked half the icing off her lemon cupcake, she decided she wasn't into fruit and cupcakes either so.....I ate it for her. Turns out fruit and cupcakes ain't half bad. As a matter of fact, it's pretty amazing and my second favorite.....



Chewy also went for the fruit and cupcake combo.....strawberry.......she said it was "the bomb".....



Before I dug into mine, I had to have a moment of silence for the cupcake gods.....I started oh so slowly peeling back the wrapper, mouth waterin'......Good gawd.....food porn.....



After one bite, I shoveled the rest in.......all at once.......


Gone......in my bell-eh.......


When it was all said and done, I ended up eatin' 3 outta the 6 cupcakes. The girl forgot she had another one to eat and when I saw it the next mornin' I had it for breakfast.....

You know what the best part is?....I can walk to Mamie's from my new job.....and I will.....and god knows I'll need the exercise with all the cupcakes I plan on consumin'......

I predict in the near future, the followin' cupcakes will meet their fate in my belly.....Boston Creme, Chocolate Mint, Chocolate Peanut Butter, Coca-Cola, Guinness, Honey Oatmeal, Gingerbread, Pistachio, Pumpkin, Red Velvet, Sweet Potato and Toffee.....and of course like 600 more of the Lemon and Reese's Peanut Butter cupcake.....

If I go missin', there's a good chance you can find me passed out in a cupcake coma on the floor of Miss Mamie's.....chocolate icing smeared on my face......

I totally give Miss Mamie a short and stumpy thumbs up.......

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Where I'm At

I have no internet access at work and it's killin' me. It's nuts how hooked on that shit I am! I'm used to havin' Facebook open all day.....chattin' with friends, lookin' at all the stupid shit posted.....no mas. One day, I'm gonna go missin' and my new co-workers are gonna find me huddled in a corner rockin' back and forth droolin' on myself mumblin' somethin' about Facebook destroyin' my life. I hope they just put me outta my misery right then and there.......

Unfortunately, my blog's gonna take the biggest hit. I've always blogged from from work. It was nice and quiet and I could THINK which is somethin' that's dang near impossible to do at home. This whole havin' a husband and kids thing doesn't really afford me the time or the quiet I need to write.

Today though I decided I don't really care about all those hours of Facebook updates. They were amusing at work, but once I'm at home, ehhh....whatever....but I've gotta figure out somethin' with my blog. I LOVE writing......so yeah. I'll figer it out.

On a completely different note, I did the whole couponing thing for the first time this week.




I was totally THAT person at the check out handin' over a wad of coupons. I got $145 worth of groceries for $76! Pretty fuckin' amazin' if you ask me. I was a total ratard about all of it (and still kinda am). I couldn't figure out how the hell to do it.....this whole coupining thing......so I had to be shown.....and that whole bein' shown thing.....well....that's leadin' to yet another change and.....

Change is good right? Right?

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