'Cuz I Felt Like It!

I have a statcounter on my blog that shows me all kindsa awesomeness. I loved seein' where people are from that look at my blog....how they came to it......how long they spent readin' my nonsense......I used to look at it everyday, but I eventually got to where I just don't check it as often and now, I hardly ever check at all. Another thing that has fallen to the wayside, because I've got other shit to do..... I do LOVE the statcounter's "recent keyword activity". It can be pretty danged amusin'. It shows you what words were searched for that brought a person to your blog. I've been compiling a list of my favorites for a while.....it's pretty crazy the shit people search for. Even more crazy is the fact that some of the crazy shit people've searched for brings them to my harmless blog. I've google the words and linked to the posts the searches lead to... how to hit a retard - What? He grabbed my vagina! six blak gay weht aneml...

The boy takes the trash out to the road for pick up. It's his job. This morning though, he came back in the house and said the trash can was too heavy for him to move. I said somethin' about maybe he should eat more Wheaties and then I went outside to move it up to the road myself. Turns out, after the 20.37 inches of rain we had last week, the trash can was full of about 800 gallons of water, plus the trash. I pushed and pulled and heaved and hoed and finally got the sumbitch to move. No shit, that thing weighed more than I do and since our driveway is on a slight incline, I was havin' one helluva a time tryin' to get it up to the road. I remembered thinkin' "dammit, I JUST straightened my bangs. Now I'm gonna be all sweaty and shit and I'll have to do it again"....and just about then, the evil trash can came topplin' backwards on top of me. My knee gave out and hit the driveway. My face got acquainted with the back side of the trash can and I...