Skip to main content

Trash Can of Death

The boy takes the trash out to the road for pick up. It's his job. This morning though, he came back in the house and said the trash can was too heavy for him to move. I said somethin' about maybe he should eat more Wheaties and then I went outside to move it up to the road myself.




Turns out, after the 20.37 inches of rain we had last week, the trash can was full of about 800 gallons of water, plus the trash. I pushed and pulled and heaved and hoed and finally got the sumbitch to move.


No shit, that thing weighed more than I do and since our driveway is on a slight incline, I was havin' one helluva a time tryin' to get it up to the road. I remembered thinkin' "dammit, I JUST straightened my bangs. Now I'm gonna be all sweaty and shit and I'll have to do it again"....and just about then, the evil trash can came topplin' backwards on top of me.

My knee gave out and hit the driveway. My face got acquainted with the back side of the trash can and I couldn't free one of my hands from the handle, so it dragged along the concrete.


The best part? The gallons and gallons of puke smellin' trash can juice that gushed out.


Standin' there covered in the trash can juice, I flipped the fuck out. You ever heard one of your neighbors cussin' out a trash can? Mine hadn't either........until today.


Once I righted my glasses back on my face, I noticed the blood drippin' from my hand and I went back to hollerin' and cussin....and kickin'....and some other sweet ass kungfuery type moves. The boy just stood there all wide eyed and finally broke me of my fit pitchin' by askin' if I was ok. "No, no I don't think so....go get Mama her whiskey".......kiddin' y'all...just kiddin'.


I hobbled back into the house and cleaned myself up. The soap burned my hand SO bad. Bandaids, lots and lots of bandaids. I went upstairs to change my clothes and decided I didn't give a shit if my bangs were straight or not.

I headed back down the stairs with my bandaged up hand, scratched glasses and throbbin' face. I found the boy wearing latex gloves that were at least four times too big for him and he was puttin' all the trash can juice covered junk back in the trash can. Bless his heart. Right then, a tear rolled down my cheek. It was the sweetest thing he'd ever done for me.


It took him and I both to get the thing back upright. It was only 8:30 in the monrin' and I had just gotten my ass handed to me by the trash can of death. We got in the car to take the boy on to school and I had to just sit for a minute.....a/c on high and breathe. My bandaids were doin' a bad job, I'm certain to have a black eye and even though I changed my clothes and freshened up, I still smelled like trash can juice.


Awesome.Sauce.

Comments

Lori said…
I'm sorry but the visuals are hilarious!!!!!

You need to get the power drill out and poke a couple of holes in the bottom of the can so the water will drain in the next flood.
You are GENIUS Lori! Thanks for that tip!
Loopy said…
OMG!!! That post kinda made me hurl a little. My suggestion...leave it there FOREVER! Trash Can of Death INDEED!!!
From the O-Zone said…
Wheaties? Those flakes have never worked for me. Although, I suppose if you sprinkled someth... no, that's illegal, isn't it?
oh no! this sounds awful. I feel for ya
Cats Meos said…
I just found your blog via Pioneer Woman. She's great and you, ma'dear, are hilarious and very brave. I do hope you are okay and no black eye but thank you so very much for sharing.

I will absolutely be back for more. What a really great blog.

Cats Meow (aka L. Armstrong)
Awww, thanks Cats! I love writing my blog. I tend to hold nothin' back so everything you read here is straightforward and honest!

Hope you come back again sometime!

Popular posts from this blog

Where I'm At

I have no internet access at work and it's killin' me. It's nuts how hooked on that shit I am! I'm used to havin' Facebook open all day.....chattin' with friends, lookin' at all the stupid shit posted.....no mas. One day, I'm gonna go missin' and my new co-workers are gonna find me huddled in a corner rockin' back and forth droolin' on myself mumblin' somethin' about Facebook destroyin' my life. I hope they just put me outta my misery right then and there.......

Unfortunately, my blog's gonna take the biggest hit. I've always blogged from from work. It was nice and quiet and I could THINK which is somethin' that's dang near impossible to do at home. This whole havin' a husband and kids thing doesn't really afford me the time or the quiet I need to write.

Today though I decided I don't really care about all those hours of Facebook updates. They were amusing at work, but once I'm at home, ehhh...…

Adam's Obit and Guestbook

The AJC posted an awesome article about Adam and Saturday night. Somebody finally got it right....mostly. Like everything else, it'll make you cry.

His Obituary has also been posted. There are a lot of great positive messages that have been left in the Guestbook.


A friend of mine sent me this picture from Saturday night. There's a lot I'd like to say about it, but it just ain't comin' out yet.



The viewing will be at Wages Funeral home on 78, Tuesday from 4pm-8pm.The Funeral will be Wednesday at 11am at Wages with burial @ 5pm in Leesburg, Ga.Wages Funeral Home, 3705 Highway 78 W, Snellville, GA 30039, (770) 979-3200

$13 Tattoos at 13 Roses in East Atlanta....On Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th is upon us again! The most unluckiest of all days. Mwuahahahahah!!!!

HOWEVER, you can turn it around and make it your LUCKIEST day, because 13 Roses Tattoo Parlour in East Atlanta is having their $13 tattoo special! No, you didn't read wrong....THIRTEEN FREAKIN' DOLLARS (+ a $7 lucky tip). You gotta 20? You gotta tattoo!

The artists in the shop have drawn up 13 different designs to choose from and they all incorporate the number 13. Last year, a friend of mine got a little bat with the number 13 in it and it was pretty flippin' sweet! You wanna know what there is to chose from this year? You gotta get your sweet ass down there and see for yourself!

It's first come first serve. You get put on a list, your not able to choose the artist (ya git who ya git, but they're all pretty awesome!), you pick one of the 13 designs they have and bickety freakin' BAM.....you got yer tattoo!
Seriously you could totally make a day/night outta this! The doors will be …