Skip to main content


Showing posts from January, 2009

Moving Day

After just having moved my office less than a year ago, I just had to do it again. The worst part is moving all the files.....three freakin' filing cabinets full of files or should I say damn near lethal weapons. Fuck paper cuts....that's sissy ever get a redwell cut? Mmmhmmm.....a red well cut. Holy GAWD! Stupid redwells. I've just about gotten everything back to normal in my new space which ain't half bad. It's super bright, which I love, and there's plenty of room for a Christmas tree when it's that time again. I'm also an irritating year round Christmas song singer so I can get back to that without botherin' too many people, because we're kinda tucked away in the back again. Yep....we are the red headed step children.
Wanna know what the awesomest part of the day was? I have gas. It's pretty much chronic, but today.....way bad toots. Lots of bending over and moving files. Bending over, ass in the air.....oops. Was that me? May…

RIP Mama....

Dresden...Our Precious Mama Dog 199somethin' - January 27, 2009 You went so peacefully. You're in a better place our sweet little monkeyface. We love you and miss you already.

Time To Let Go

The life you've led has been a good one and now it's time to go on. Time to go on to endless back yards to run around in and steak for dinner every night. There will be the biggest water bowl you've ever seen. It'll be like the size of a big ol' lake so you can even swim around in it if you want. Just don't pee in it, you won't wanna drink you're own pee. Well, not that you'd wanna drink anyone's pee but still, that'd be totally gross.

You were always such an amazing mama dog. Your puppies turned your little boobies into big fat Slim Jim pieces and you wore them like badges of honor. We were always your cheering section when it came to be that time, but you didn't need us, you were awesome at birthin' them babies all on your own. You even loved that little one that didn't have a butthole. Only the best of mama's could've done that. When we brought a new puppy home, you treated him just as if he were your own. You let him c…

Random Things I Remember

My memory blows. Bad. I hate it. I figure when I'm old (and if I can remember how to work a computer) I'll come back here and reminisce over all the randome things I remember......

At my first elementary school, left handed kids were segregated from the rest of the class like there was something wrong with them.

I wanted to be Cindy Lauper when I grew up.

The first fight I ever got into was over who was gonna be Wonder Woman.

My brother pushing me while I was runnin' in the street and when I hit the concrete, I broke my arm....or should I say HE broke my arm.

Bustin' my ass tyrin' to do a wheelie on my bicycle and I flipped over on brother carried me all the way home.

Giving a boyfriend in middle school a necklace of hickeys at the arcade.....ew.

The second time I met J, he told me I had to break up with my boyfriend or he was gonna beat him up.....I dumped him that night.

The first time I met J I called him somethin' rude and he flipped me off.


Oh So Frustrating....Again

I have a husband who complains that he's all old and stuff and he totally ain't, a boy that forgets everything about everything, a girl that argues with me like she's 16.....and a totally retarded dog.

The husband. He's in his 30's. He's smokin' ass hot and built like a brick shit house....who even though he's put on like 30 lbs. since he was in his 20's, has gotten only slightly softer than he was 10 years ago. He's big and manly and awesome, but he says he feels old. He hurts all over all the time. His knees, his back, his...toe....whatever. He's in his 30's! Look, we all spent a little too much runnin' around with total wreckless abandonment, but we aren't geriatric yet. Hurting is a fact of gettin' older....and fatter. It's life. It happens to all of us. You're a sexy mother fucker, so shoosh are not old. I wish I could convince you......It's so frustrating.

The boy. I feel like if I don't hold his…

You Wanna Talk About Awesome?

The Big Wheel Bitches finally have our very own webpage...our own space on the interweb!

Got to it....check it out.....
It was designed and set up by Brandy at Stitchblade Designs who also did my blog layout. She pretty much kicks ass so if you need a custom blog or web design to display all your very own awesomeness on, check her out!

Rev Run's Words of Wisdom

Yes my friends, it's time for another installment of the ever so wise Rev Run's Words of Wisdom......
"Never come down off your chariot to fight those who are throwing tomatoes"

This goes back to the old tried and true saying, "pick your battles".

Why stoop to someone else's level when it's just not worth it? Why raise your blood pressure? Nobody looks good all bug eyed with veins poppin' outta their head because they're so worked up over what really amounts to nothing. We've all done it, and it just makes us look like fools.

You gotta learn to sit back and watch people say and do stupid things, even if it pertains to you. It's way funner (another totally awesome word). Who cares if someone'stalkin' crap about you? Let it roll of your back. Why involve yourself with other people's stupid? Chances are, they're an insignificant person who has nothing better to do and hates life. Chances are, they're miserable and when …

Oops. Sorry, Did I Offend You?

Evidently my last post ruffled a few feathers.

You see, I'm not easily offended and don't think anyone else should be either. It's just lame. I don't get my panties all wadded up over other people's innocuous garble. Why would anybody actually care if I had fried chicken for dinner to honor our new black president? You think that makes me racist. Really? Um, no it makes me awesome. PLUS, one of my best friends when I was in like 4th grade was yeah, take that! I also played the flute and loved Tone Loc....what? You don't KNOW me.

Honestly, why would anyone give a flyin' terd what I say or do? Sometimes I enjoy gettin' under people's skin....just because I can, and I may not have felt like dancin' at that particular moment so I had to fill the void somehow, ya know? I know that some of the things I write aren't gonna set well with everybody and I'm totally ok with that.

There's a lot of stuff crowdin' up this head o' m…

Inauguration Celebration!

I got so much crap from so many people for not voting. Well, guess what? I DIDN'T VOTE! HA! HA! Nope, didn't vote. Call it ignorant, call it lazy, call it whatever you want, I didn't vote. Both candidates had wonky ass ideas that totally didn't jive with me and I don't exactly have a great track record with this whole voting thing anyhow. It's like a 50/50 toss up for who will suck less in the end, for who will leave us less damaged when they're done with us. For instance, I voted for Bush the first time around and WOW, look at how awesome THAT turned out to be. I don't ever wanna feel even partially responsible for that kinda train wreck again.

So, to make up for the fact that I didn't vote, we're gonna have our very own inauguration celebration dinner tonight to celebrate our first black president. That should get me some kinda brownie points, right?

We've got the menu all planned out and it's gonna be DE-LICIOUS. We're gonna have fr…

My Blog is Poppin', My Blog Be Cool

All the boys keep jockin', they chase me after school.....Myyyyyy lipglooosssss........
Oh, sorry, I got carried away.
Some of you may have noticed my pretty fantastic new blog layout and guess what? It's MINE, all MINE and one of a kind. It ain't no "free blogger layout", my shit be fo' reals yo! As you all know, I'm totally obsessed with Hello Kitty and I came across this awesome Hello Kitty Tokidoki stuff and bickety bam, a new obsession was born. It's about the cutest stuff I've seen in a super long time. Just look at it!!! Anyhow, I was talkin' to Brandy at Stitchblade Designs about how played out (yo) my blog was since I knew I was like one of 145,239 people that had the same exact layout and she said she could fix me right up and that she did. It's really amazing how she works. You give her a few basic ideas and she can just run with it. I love Brandy, and the work she does never ceases to amaze me.
...and yeah, my new blog, it's …

My Mustache Brings All the Girls to the Yard

This is what we do when we're bored.....on a Thursday.

I was in the kitchen when the boy walked around the corner lookin' like cute little cuban....
Then this.....the undercover cop trying to not look like an undercover cop...
The I don't even know what to say about this. What the hell is up with the eyebrows and the mole...and the mexican dress...and the patent shoes? Oh lord....what have I created?
I wanted to write somethingfantastically funny about mustaches being great flavor savors or the great powers wielded by men that have mustaches or the time that the girl was staring at me and she finally said "Mom, do you have a mustache?!?!", but I'm not in the mood to be so funny. My head hurts.

Colder Than A Witches Titty

FINALLY! Cold weather's on it's way and it's about to get WAY freakin' colder. Like lows in the teens and highs in the 30's. I know for some of you that read this that ain't shit, but whatever!

It's so cold that this morning when I went to Starbucks for my grande Salted Caramel Espresso Truffle (uh yeah, heaven), there was a chick there turning in an application and she was still in her house slippers! No shit! She was so cold that her limbs were too stiff for her to bend down to tie a pair of shoes. I pointed at her and laughed. She flipped me off. I blew her a kiss. I wish I'd had my camera.

Because the temperature is supposed to only drop today, I told the girl she had to dress super warm so her skinny ass little self wouldn't freeze. She actually managed to get long john's under her already ridiculously skinny skinny jeans. She did an awesome job at bundling up seeing as how there's hardly ever a need to do that here.....god, what a spazz!

Mama Still Ain't Doin' So Good, but Not So Bad Either

Yesterday J took Mama to the vet and she's still with us so it ain't so bad at least. She mentioned the possibility of brain tumors, but they drew some blood and said they call with the results. Not that blood work could tell us about brain tumors, but it could eliminate several other problems.

When J got home with Dresden (affectionately called Mama if you're confused!) she couldn't stop walking in circles. Circles, circles, circles. Here she goes......outta the kitchen then back in the other way.She would stop every now and again to drink, eat or stare in the corner, but it didn't' seem like she could stay still for very long.

I ended up having to physically make her stop walking circles. It was totally freakin' me. I walked her over to where she lays down and told her to lay down. Sha. She was havin' none of that. She started walkin' circles on her damn blanket! Not the rootin' around tryin' to get comfy type thing....actually circling over…

Mama Ain't Doin' So Good

Our Mama dog has got to be about 13 years old by now and literally overnight she's turned 60. Her legs are failing her and so is her mind. She's gone all wonky us. She can barely walk down any stairs without doin' a faceplant and she can't figure out how to get in her dog crate anymore. She's just been walking in cirlces in our house only to stop for a minute to stare at the wall...or the vacuum cleaner.
She's still eating and drinking. She still waggin' her tail. She doesn't seem to be hurting, just a little loopy and jello legged. Overnight this happened. Overnight.
I'm not ready for this.
J's gonna take her to the vet today. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers (if you do that sorta thing).

I'm Totally Lame

Don't you hate it when you put forth the effort to come by and see what I've got to say and there's nothing new? Yeah, well, sometimes my creative juices don't work and words fail me. For those of you that know me, it's weird I know.

I've just been totally lame lately. I've been reading pretty much constantly. I've gotten totally addicted to the Twilight series. I still believe vampires are totally gay, but I freakin' LOVE these books. Does that make me gay? Maybe. J says it does, but whatever. He's gay....look.......
Ok, so he's totally hot, even in the gay mask.

Back to vampires......I read the second book in the Twilight series, New Moon, this weekend and need to get the third, but thought I'd take a break because J complains I've always got my nose buried in a book. He's just jealous because he doesn't know how to read unless there's lots of nekkid ones. Mmmhm....that's right.

Not only have I been rea…

I Just Realized My Pannies Are Crotchless

Ok, so they're not exactly panties....and they're not exactly crotchless. They're Spanx and they're sent from the heavens. They smooth out all the rolls so you don't have four or five rolls, you just got one big roll. They're awesome. Ask any girl. Not just fat girls, any girl. Anyhow.
I bought my new Spanx...that word makes me feel a little weird, I don't like it I've decided.....back to the point....
I bought my new fat holdin' in things and they stayed in my car for a while. I finally decided I'd wear them today since I wanted to wear a pair of pants that are skinny day pants (as skinny of a day as I can have anyhow).
I pulled and tugged and finally got those suckers on, but they just didn't feel right. It was a bit.....breazy down there. Eww, I know. I bent over for a better look and I'll be damned if my, um.....well, let's just say they seemed to be totally crotchless. I was all "What the fuck? I totally did not buy these at a…

I Must Confess

I'm a hypocrite. Yep.

I'm damn near blew a freakin' gasket just now over an "I can barely speak english" customer service person who I just had to try to speak to. I could go on and on about this, and I do mean ON and ON. 90% OF THE PEOPLE THAT ARE GOING TO BE CALLING YOUR COMPANY SPEAK ENGLISH AS THEIR FIRST LANGUAGE. PUT A FUCKING "ENGLISH IS MY FIRST LANGUAGE" PERSON ON THE DAMNED PHONE. FUCK!!!!

It seems like it was just yesterday that I wrote about not letting stupid get to you. Oh wait, it WAS just yesterday. I fucking HATE stupid people. Scooter (who the blog was pretty much written about) even wrote to me yesterday in reply to my blog and he basically said "you know people irritate the hell outta you too and you know it's a lot easier to say don't let them bother you than it is to actually not let them bother you". My dearest Scooter, you're right and I must confess that today, I feel like a total hypocrite......I let stupid …

Stupid People vs. Awesome People

If there's one thing that I totally freakin' despise, it's takers. If you enable certain people to take advantage of you, if you allow certain people to exploit your good will, they totally fucking will.....It's how you handle it that matters.

You can't control the stupid that stupid people inflict on you, but you can know that they're stupid and not allow them to inflict their stupid on you especially when they're not in your life anymore. I mean really.....Why let someone continually ruin your bright and shiney day (you know you love bright and shiney days)? It ain't gotta be all rainy and poopy everyday. Ok, so it ain't EVERYday, but why let the stupids ruin any moment of ANY day? Stupid people have this power to know that they're still fuckin' you up even though you think they don't know it and that just makes them ring their stupid hands and go "mwahahahaha". Yep. Just like that.

Stupid stuff will happen to stupid people. Yo…

Hopes for the New Year

Hello 2009!

A new year is upon us and I can only hope it's as awesome as 2008. I've seen and heard so many people sayin' they hope this year is better than the last. I say, your year will be what you make it. You go into it with a suck ass attitude, that's exactly what you'll get out of it. You got no right to complain unless you'll willing to change it, so shut up and have an AWESOME year!

Looking back on 2008, I feel really, really lucky and know that it'll just keep gettin' better.

Here are a few things I hope for in the new year outside of the standard health and happiness stuff....

For J, I hope that he continues to not smoke and that he stays where he's workin' and is happy with it.

For the boy, I hope that he grows like 4 inches, quits lying about homework, makes more friends besides the one that accidentally sends me gay ass text messages at all hours of the night that say "forward this message to everyone you love or they'll di…