Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I Just Realized My Pannies Are Crotchless

Ok, so they're not exactly panties....and they're not exactly crotchless.
They're Spanx and they're sent from the heavens. They smooth out all the rolls so you don't have four or five rolls, you just got one big roll. They're awesome. Ask any girl. Not just fat girls, any girl.

I bought my new Spanx...that word makes me feel a little weird, I don't like it I've decided.....back to the point....

I bought my new fat holdin' in things and they stayed in my car for a while. I finally decided I'd wear them today since I wanted to wear a pair of pants that are skinny day pants (as skinny of a day as I can have anyhow).

I pulled and tugged and finally got those suckers on, but they just didn't feel right. It was a bit.....breazy down there. Eww, I know. I bent over for a better look and I'll be damned if my, um.....well, let's just say they seemed to be totally crotchless. I was all "What the fuck? I totally did not buy these at a porn store" and what woman wants to be prancin' around in freakin' crotchless Spankx anyhow? I don't think most women even admit to men that they even wear them, much less get it on with 'em on, but hey, maybe I was wrong?

Turns out, they weren't intended to be crotchless and with a bit of wiggling, they weren't. They're kinda like men's tighty whities in the front. Wow. UNCOMFORTABLE. It's like walkin' around all day with your mouth puckered, but it ain't your mouth....and at times, it's the worst camel toe feelin' you've ever had.

Check this chick out....she TOTALLY knows what I'm sayin'......

I'm not sure what the muscle arms are for though. That, is one body enhancer I don't need.

Is it worth all the torture....down there, just to smooth out a few rolls? TOTALLY.


Tara Lea said...

i have worn these EVERYDAY for the past 5 years! I love love love love them. You are gonna die... it is a habit so much now that revcently.... I wore them with my swimsuit!

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