Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inauguration Celebration!

I got so much crap from so many people for not voting. Well, guess what? I DIDN'T VOTE! HA! HA! Nope, didn't vote. Call it ignorant, call it lazy, call it whatever you want, I didn't vote. Both candidates had wonky ass ideas that totally didn't jive with me and I don't exactly have a great track record with this whole voting thing anyhow. It's like a 50/50 toss up for who will suck less in the end, for who will leave us less damaged when they're done with us. For instance, I voted for Bush the first time around and WOW, look at how awesome THAT turned out to be. I don't ever wanna feel even partially responsible for that kinda train wreck again.

So, to make up for the fact that I didn't vote, we're gonna have our very own inauguration celebration dinner tonight to celebrate our first black president. That should get me some kinda brownie points, right?

We've got the menu all planned out and it's gonna be DE-LICIOUS. We're gonna have fried chicken, collards, homemade macaroni and cheese, coleslaw, cornbread and grape koolaid.

Now, before anybody decides to go and get all holier than thou sayin' what ignorant bigots we are, let me just say......shoosh yo mouth. This is a truly historical day for the afro (I know all about afros, and I totally sympathize!) american community and I wanna be a part. My skin ain't black but dammit, my soul is. The drunker I get the more the real me comes out and the real me is an old sassy black lady named Fannie. So, yeah, YOU DON'T KNOW ME!

I also put research in for this dinner....Google soul food, see what comes up. Plus, the two most powerful black women in America (Oprah and Beyonce......duh) say their favorite food is fried chicken. THEN, there was the episode of Flavor of Love where Flavor Flave made the girls cook fried chicken from his mama's recipe and the one with the best chicken won a date with him. So, yeah, totally not bein' ignorant. It is what it is and I just wanna be a part of a celebration that's all.

Even though I didn't vote, I am ever so grateful that Obama won if only for the sake of tonight's dinner. If McCain would've been the one, dinner would've totally sucked ass seein' as how he's a geriatric robot and what the hell do geriatric robots eat anyways? We'd have to have dinner no later than 4 o'clock this afternoon (so we could all be in bed by 7:30) and it would've consisted of liver and onions, mashed potatoes, prunes and Metamucil. Could you imagine trying to get kids to choke that mess down. Blech...

I'll end with a short note to our new President.

Dear Mr. President Obama,

Please don't fuck it all up even worse than it already is. You got a lot of people watchin' you with a lot of high expectations. I understand that you're a black man, but you're also half white so please don't forget about us white people, our ancestors struggled too. My grandmother will tell you just like she's told many a other afro-americans "I picked my own damn cotton"...and she ain't even kiddin'. That woman picked cotton till her fingers blead, just like some of your ancestors, so please, Mr. President Obama, don't forget about us white people and don't fuck it all up even worse.

Jessica H.


Anonymous said...

You are an absolute idiot.

Anonymous said...

I think your are hillarious! Your blog has made my day on more than one occassion. It takes balls to write some of the things you do and although I may not agree with all of it, I respect your opinions and your view of the world is one I envy.

It's a shame when people take themselves too seriously and can't see the humor in what you write.

You are funny as hell!

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