'Cuz I Felt Like It!

I'm sick. Again. I'm so over bein ' sick. I've spent the past three days whining, snortin ' snot down my throat and applying mass amounts of chapstick to keep my lips from crakin ' from all the mouth breathin '. It's KILLIN ' me. Oh how I despise not bein ' able to breathe through my nose. Sudafed doesn't work. Tylenol Sinus doesn't work. Advil Sinus doesn't work. That stupid hair brained idea of a nettipot don't work either. I think everybody that uses one of those and say they actually work are liars. Stupid Oprah lovin ' liars. I'm a miserable baby when I can't breathe outta my nose. I pitch fits that can put a toddler in the throws of the terrible 2's to shame. I mope around punchin ' the air outta frustration......I mean in my mind I'm totally punchin ' my stopped up nose in the face, but it gets me nowhere....except in a first class seat on the train to lookin ' like a tot...

Dear Nose Spray, I had been longing for you so much lately. It had been increasingly more difficult to breathe from my nose and I knew you were the only thing that can make it go away. Even when I am at my strongest and my nose only whistles when I breathe, I can at least breathe, but not so much these past couple weeks. I held strong nose spray, but your pull was too much for me to bare. I broke down and used you despite the fact that the thought of going back to you sent nervous ticks throughout me. I knew with just a couple squirts, I will be free to breathe again. I knew I would regret it in the end though, because I know it will never last and you will leave me always wanting more. You have this horrible taste that gags me everytime I snort you up my nose. As you hit the back of my throat, first comes the gagging and wretching, then the tears start streaming down my face as I grasp the kitchen sink hoping I don't throw up. Minutes later however, I am free. So what if I can...