Wednesday, November 19, 2008

My Filter

I was recently asked whether or not I ever filter what I say. Oh, hell yes I do! My big mouth MUST be under restraints at all times.

I've been told more than once (ok more than 1,000 times) in my life that I have diarrhea of the mouth so if I didn't filter what I said, people wouldn't speak to me, like ever. I would be hated strictly because of my opinions, which are usually horrible and I choose to keep 90% of them to myself. I can always point and laugh at someone and tell someone how completely stupid I think they are right in my little own head and there is absolutely no harm done. It's a win win situation!

I've learned that there really aren't that many people out there who wanna hear things straight up. Most people prefer pillow squishy versions of things. Say, you have this friend and you tell her that her boyfriend smells like ass juice and the only reason they don't notice is because they too smell like ass juice then you can pretty much count on that person no longer being your friend. Just go buy them some soap and tell them it's the best soap you've ever smelled and you think they'd really like it. (No, I don't know anyone that smells like ass juice, but that'd be totally gross and I'm not sure I'd be able to keep my mouth shut on that one).

I've learned over the years that they're are varying degrees of censorship that I place on myself. The only person that I am 100% censorship free with is myself. After almost losing my job several months back over my mouth, I am most censored while at work. Then there are different levels of censorship I place on myself with different friends. There are some of my friends that I can say pretty much anything to, I just sorta rearrange things a bit before they spew outta my mouth. Then there are the friends that I rearrange for, but I also leave a lot out. Then there is my husband. He's always had to deal with the brunt of it all. Have you ever held a fart in all day while you're around people then you get to your car and let it all out? Well, J is like my car. I've held that shit in all day and when I see him I let it all out. He must think that I'm totally off my freakin' rocker. I guess though that he's probably used to it by now even though I'm sure he's glanced at the duct tape on more than one occasion and considered using it.

At the end of the day, what the hell makes me the authority on the smell of ass juice? Just because I think something, that doesn't make it necessary to be said aloud. At one time in my life I knew that I knew everything and had to let everyone else know. Now, not so much. I mean I still know everything, but I'm pretty comfortable sittin' back and lettin' people make total fools outta themselves and if I have THAT much of a problem with the way someone smells, looks, talks or anything else, I can just not be around them. Wow, how grown up of me. It only took me like 20 years to start considering that people have feelings. I think I shall give myself a big fat high five for that one!

From the words of my mother: "If you ain't got nothin' nice to say, then don't say nothin' at all"......


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