Rich and Famous. That's What I'm Gonna Be.

Not quite a year ago, I was an extra in Rob Zombie's Halloween II. I said I'd never do that again and by THAT, I meant be an extra in a movie. It was just shy of torture.

Once the movie came out, the reviews sucked. Imagine that. Not that I'd go see even if the reviews were good.....I ain't into them kinda movies, BUT I would've gone to see it if I knew I was in the movie. To see myself on the silver screen.....ahhhh.....

A local theater held a screening of the movie for all the extras and I had several friends go, but to my utter disappointment they each said I wasn't in the movie....none of us were....well one guy saw his left arm.....lame.

Here it is months later and H2 is out on DVD. I got an email from a friend who was going frame by frame (because she's lame like that she says) and there's a nanosecond where the only thing on the screen is my face. No f-in' WAY!!! Of course I went straight out to rent the movie.

By the time I get home, I have another email from someone else telling me the same thing. Sweet baby jesus.....I'ma be famous!

I suffer through the first part of the movie and get all excited when the scene comes up that I should be in. The main character is at the party and she's all freakin' out and things are lookin' all wonky.....I'm watchin' and watchin' and watchin' and...holy SHIT.....right in the middle of her seein' shit all crazy.......there I am.........

.....and I'm totally singin'....and not along with the music that's playin', but that totally ain't my fault....I ain't the one that pieced that shit back together and put it on screen.....

Rewind, pause, frame by frame, rewind, pause......

Millions upon millions (ok, the movie sucked so maybe thousands upon thousands) get to see my face and wonder...."who's that awesome chick that's all over my t.v. screen?" Sha.....It's totally me.

After about thirty minutes of rewind, frame by frame, pause, I continue on with the movie and....HOLY SHIT.....there I am AGAIN! This time super quick flash of me all lookin' the same. Rewind, frame by frame, pause.

Jeremy and my friend Chewy gotta be irritated so I continue on with the movie. Ahhhh....my fifteen minutes.....seconds....half seconds....whatever.

As the scene goes on, the main character and one of her friends heads outside and I'm tellin' Jeremy and Chewy how insanely awesome the outside of the party was and....HOLY SHIT.....there I am AGAIN....hangin' out by the stairs....pretendin' I'm drinkin' a beer and freezin' my ass off.....

My fifteen half seconds of fame has totally turned into 20 half seconds of fame.

Rich and Famous. That's what I'm gonna be.

I've decided I'm moving to Hollywood to pursue a movie career and I'm expectin' the offers to start rollin' in at any minute. As a matter of fact, I just missed a phone call from a number I didn't recognize....they didn't leave a message, but I'm certain they're gonna call back and I'll have my first leading role.....

Oops! I Did It Again!

I wrecked my car.....again. Just a fender bender this time. I was in that awesome after work bumper to bumper traffic on the highway. I sneezed....and I sneezed again and again and then a snot rocket flew outta my nose. As I go to wipe the hangin' snot outta my nose....BAM. I hit a car. What really sucked was when I hit the car my snot covered hand slid up and smeared on the lense of my glasses. Awesome. Just fuckin' awesome and to top it all off, I got another ticket. I get home and I'm all pissy and shit. Jeremy says "Why you so pissy?" Uh, HELLO? I just wrecked my stupid fuckin' car! He says, "you're not used to that by now?" Admittedly, I've had a few problems with bumpin' into cars and other things here and there, but dang....it ain't like it's ever my fault. Psht. Like this one time, the girl was in the backseat and needed a kleenex. I turned around to gave one to her. I hit a car. It was dead stopped at a red light. ...

What an Asshole

Awesome. That's what I am. So awesome that I'm featured on Cooking for Asshole's blog and I didn't have to pay him one penny. Not that he's anything special, but at least he recognizes me for all of my awesomeness....even though he totally talks shit about me and says something about me being Japanese just because I couldn't my panties on right one day...psht....what an asshole. Despite the fact that he's an asshole, he writes one of my favorite blogs . He thinks we're all stupid and suck ass at cookin '. He will berate you and belittle you and cook a pork roast at the same time. Be aware though....he cooks a bunch vegetarian hippie shit......claiming his wife's a vegetarian....I think meat just gives him the shits so he doesn't make a lot of it. If you're one of them beer drinkers, this Asshole thinks he's some sorta beer connoisseur (I say he's just a drunk). He drinks all kinds weird shit. I mean really, why not just sit do...

APB....Little Jimmy is Missing!!!

It's December 1st and Little Jimmy shoulda made his first appearance at the house this morning. Evidently, I hid Little Jimmy so good that last time last year that even I can't find him. This is no bueno. Little Jimmy is an Elf on the Shelf . We read the book, he shows up in a different spot every morning and watches and reports back to Santa every night. Seriously. The boy gets it. He knows. The elf ain't nothin' but a stuffed doll. The girl....she still believes. She was snoopin' around a week or so ago and found the book that Little Jimmy is SUPPOSED to be stuffed in after Christmas and said "Mom! Little Jimmy's not in his book! He's gone back to the North Pole to get all his instructions!" "Dammit. She STILL believes in Little Jimmy", I remember thinkin'. I mean really, you try comin' up with 30 different hidin' spots for a little elf that won't take your kids more than a few minutes to find every mornin...

'Cuz I Felt Like It!

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