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At Least You Ain't A Mini-Donkey

On the way to work this morning, I drove past a yard full of mini-donkeys. Poor little mini-donkeys....don't fit in with the horses, because not only are they donkeys, but they're MINI-donkeys and they don't fit in with the big donkeys either, because, well....they' In my sinus medication induced haze, I pondered this for some time.
Somewhere deep within my thoughts about these mini-donkeys, I thought about a conversation I had with a friend yesterday. We'll call him "Dan", because Dan's the man. Dan's a glass half empty kinda guy and I think that's totally fuckin' lame. It's like I've told Dan before, "You only get one life, live it up mother fucker!", but Dan just whines.

In our conversation yesterday he said something about not changin' who he is to blah, blah, blah.....whatever. I agreed. No, you shouldn't have to change who you are to get along with people or have friends. If people don't like you for you, them fuck 'em.

Well Dan, I retract that statement. Sometimes you do need to change some things about yourself to have a happy fulfilled life.

For many, many years, I was the type of person who said exactly what I wanted, when I wanted despite who it hurt. I didn't give a shit. I was just bein' honest in a blunt sorta way. Don't people like honesty in a person? Yeah maybe, but what I learned is that there's quite a difference between being honest and being a cunt with too many opinions. I lost friends because of my mouth. I knew I had to change. There would be times I wanted to say somethin' to someone so bad that it physically hurt to keep my mouth shut. It was like tryin' to hold in puke. You know, your face turns all red and you cheeks get big and puffy.....yeah, just like that....but I did it. For months I had headaches and stomach aches.....all over learnin' to keep my mouth shut, but I knew if I didn't make this change in myself, I would eventually find myself alone. I had a major flaw in my system. It sucked learnin' to be a different person from whom I had been for so long, but the alternative was much much worse and I'm way better because of it.

So yeah DAN....uncross your arms, get that smellin' onions look off your face and join the fuckin' conversation no matter how lame you think it is. Since you're not used to usin' your smilin' muscles very often, your face will hurt for a little bit, but eventually the burn will start to feel good and then it'll totally wear off.

....and just least you're not a mini-donkey least you're not a mini-donkey.


hhmm, would it really be so bad to be a mini donkey? i mean, arent mini animals in all forms way cuter than their large counterparts? i think so... and this is strictly about mini animals... no Dan related issues.
All things are better in miniversions (excluding steak and ice cream of course), but we won't tell "Dan" that.
Lana said…
i think writing is a great way to get out all the things you can't say. you can always change names :)

and also, who the fuck decided that a regular donkey was just too damn big and had to go messing with the donkey genome?
I'm the kind that keeps everything in then explodes like a bag of popcorn in the microwave, cuz I keep everything bottled inside.

I admire you for speaking your mind.
Thanks Jen, but speakin' your mind can get you in hot water though. I had to really learn that lesson the hard way. Thank god I have Jeremy to police me when I need it. I tend to drink and the diarreah of the mouth starts when I see someone I don't like!
Ha, Ha Lana! You said genome! Sweet! I must admit that I do really love all things mini though!

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