Skip to main content

My Imagination is Gettin' Outta Hand

Every few months at work I have to take the mail down to the mailroom in the afternoon. On the way there, I have to walk down this really LOOONG, quiet, clean smellin' hallway. Its silence is deafening.




As I mozy down this hall, I imagine that I am in a huge high rise building and just outside is the noisy hustle and bustle of New York City. Yeah, I imagine this EVERYDAY.

It gets even more ridiculous than that though....

I have to take the freight elevator down to the mail room. Access to the elevator is behind a non conspicuous door and behind that non conspicuous door is a little room where you wait for the elevator. Normally, I have to stand in this tiny little room for a few minutes waiting for the elevator to come up. While I'm waiting, I think about how much it would cost to rent a room that size in New York City and if I could manage living in a space that small. According to Ikea you can functionally live in any sized space if you just shop at their store, so I've decided I totally could with the help of Ikea. (That is of course in a complete alternate reality of my life actually is or ever would be).

As I stand in that little room and wait for the elevator, I think of where my bed would be. I could fit a chair and a little table and there's even enough room for a sink and toilet as long as you don't mind spinning around to get to the bathroom opposed to walking to it. There would definitely be no room for a kitchen, but I am in New York City after all and where else in the world is there better food?

I am retarded over New York. RETARDED I tell you. OBSESSED.

.....I wrote this several weeks back. It's pretty lame, but there's a lot of lame shit that I write and never actually post. Plus, since I wrote this my New York fantasies have slacked a little because there's ALWAYS somebody walkin' down that long hall. ALWAYS! How the hell am I supposed to pretend I'm in New York when I got some Kennesaw Claw havin', white pump wearin' chick walkin' behind me whistlin' Dixie????

Yeah, well....nonetheless, thought I would come back to this one though because today when I took the mail, and I was standing in that little room waiting on the elvator I saw a cheeto on the floor. I thought "Awww hell no....somebody's all trashin' up my tiny little New York apartment". I mean really, how the hell do you drop a cheeto and not pick it up?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Oops! I Did It Again!

I wrecked my car.....again. Just a fender bender this time. I was in that awesome after work bumper to bumper traffic on the highway. I sneezed....and I sneezed again and again and then a snot rocket flew outta my nose. As I go to wipe the hangin' snot outta my nose....BAM. I hit a car. What really sucked was when I hit the car my snot covered hand slid up and smeared on the lense of my glasses. Awesome. Just fuckin' awesome and to top it all off, I got another ticket. I get home and I'm all pissy and shit. Jeremy says "Why you so pissy?" Uh, HELLO? I just wrecked my stupid fuckin' car! He says, "you're not used to that by now?" Admittedly, I've had a few problems with bumpin' into cars and other things here and there, but dang....it ain't like it's ever my fault. Psht. Like this one time, the girl was in the backseat and needed a kleenex. I turned around to gave one to her. I hit a car. It was dead stopped at a red light. ...

APB....Little Jimmy is Missing!!!

It's December 1st and Little Jimmy shoulda made his first appearance at the house this morning. Evidently, I hid Little Jimmy so good that last time last year that even I can't find him. This is no bueno. Little Jimmy is an Elf on the Shelf . We read the book, he shows up in a different spot every morning and watches and reports back to Santa every night. Seriously. The boy gets it. He knows. The elf ain't nothin' but a stuffed doll. The girl....she still believes. She was snoopin' around a week or so ago and found the book that Little Jimmy is SUPPOSED to be stuffed in after Christmas and said "Mom! Little Jimmy's not in his book! He's gone back to the North Pole to get all his instructions!" "Dammit. She STILL believes in Little Jimmy", I remember thinkin'. I mean really, you try comin' up with 30 different hidin' spots for a little elf that won't take your kids more than a few minutes to find every mornin...

What an Asshole

Awesome. That's what I am. So awesome that I'm featured on Cooking for Asshole's blog and I didn't have to pay him one penny. Not that he's anything special, but at least he recognizes me for all of my awesomeness....even though he totally talks shit about me and says something about me being Japanese just because I couldn't my panties on right one day...psht....what an asshole. Despite the fact that he's an asshole, he writes one of my favorite blogs . He thinks we're all stupid and suck ass at cookin '. He will berate you and belittle you and cook a pork roast at the same time. Be aware though....he cooks a bunch vegetarian hippie shit......claiming his wife's a vegetarian....I think meat just gives him the shits so he doesn't make a lot of it. If you're one of them beer drinkers, this Asshole thinks he's some sorta beer connoisseur (I say he's just a drunk). He drinks all kinds weird shit. I mean really, why not just sit do...