Monday, June 15, 2009

F*@!# You Bugs. I KILL You!

Bugs suck. I ain't afraid of 'em or anything, but dang.....

This Saturday I got eaten alive by fire ants. They had a mission, a personal vendetta against us. They all got their little ant selves together and plotted to bite bits of our flesh off and laughed the whole time. There wasn't even any ant hills to forewarn us! They just hid their little ant selves in the grass and the very second you put your feet down they attacked. Thanks to you stupid little ants, I'm walkin' around all scratchin' my ankles like a big fat cootie queen today. I hate you ants.

This first time I remember being attacked by bugs, I was in Florida spending the summer with my grandparents. I was having a nice quiet time fishing on the dock. The sun was all shiny and stuff and there was a nice was good. I wasn't having much luck just dropping my line in so I figured I chuck the hell out of it and see have far across the river I could get it. Well, I chucked it so hard my line went right up underneath the dock and hooked on a wasps nest. I had no idea wasps were about to launch freakin' WWIII on me. I yanked and yanked my line trying to free it.....then all these missiles flew out me outta nowhere, hittin' me wherever they could. At first I stood there all "what the hell"? Once I realized what was happening, I started haulin' ass up to the house, arms and legs-a-flailin' as I was being dive bombed. By the time they were done with me, I was one huge swollen mess. My grandmother told me something along the lines of "stop all your hemmin' and hawin'" and started covering me in all this green stuff. I hurt for days.

That wasn't the last time wasps got me either. When J and I went to go pick up the Comet, I opened up the driver side door and wasps started pouring out of a hole comin' at me like dogs after a freakin' pork chop. I was kungfuin' the hell out of 'em and only managed to get stung maybe three or four times. I even got a picture of it......which I can't seem to find right now, so I'll have to add it later. You're not missin' anything though, it's really just one big blur.
There's been other bug incidents, but bugs suck so I refuse to give them anymore time here today. All I gotta say to you stupid bugs is "bring it bitches"......I will KILL you and that's AFTER I kung fu your ass .


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