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It's A Love Hate Relatioship

Aldi. Cheap as shit, but they only have one person working in the entire danged store. I'm all "HEEELLLOOO, y'all got any more of them little frozen beans??? HEEELLLLOOO!!!!" There's never anybody to answer me so I gotta go get in line and leave without my danged beans.


Sexy Slut Shoes. I like to try them on and buy 'em, and I like to wear 'em, but I just can't walk in them on crooked streets....or not so crooked streets for that matter. Normally, I weeble and I wobble, but I don't fall down....in heels.......I fall down. (P.S. I'm trying to get enough donations to buy myself these holy baby jesus kick ass Givenchy wedges. If you would like to donate, just let me know!).




My hair. It's awesome. It's big, fluffy, red, but seriously, there's just way too much of it, it's like a chia-pet>...add a little bit of water and that shit GROWS, it's always knotty and strangers wanna touch it....by the end of the night, I'm over it. Ever had your ass beat for touchin' someone's hair? No? Well, there's a first time for everything.



Flip Flops. What's not awesome about just slippin' on a pair of shoes? You ain't gotta bend over and tie 'em....just slip 'em on. You also get to show off your cute little painted toes (as a side note, if you wear open toed shoes, you MUST paint your toenails....it's the freakin' law y'all!). Yeah well, flip flops are great 'til you get 'em wet and go haulin' ass in your garage and land FLAT ON YOUR ASS....or......you go walkin' down your front porch that has wet steps and you fall FLAT ON YOUR ASS. Another thing that I hate is flip flop blowouts. You're all walkin' along in walmart headin' for the tonic aisle. You're holdin' a box of tampons and a can slim jims and *BAYAM!!!!* one of your flip flops busts the hell up and comes apart at the toes. You twist your ankle shit goes flyin' in the air and again, you land FLAT ON YOUR ASS.




Margaritas at lunch. You know by the time lunch finally rolls around, you could totally use a margarita. BUT....by the time lunch is over and you've had a few, you could totally use a nap and then your pissed because margarita time is O-V-E-R.

Unicorns. What's not to love about a unicorn, right? They're pretty and soft and make cooing neighing sounds AND they have these magical horns growin' outta their heads that have rubies inside the base of them. HOWEVER.....these creatures cannot be contained. You ever pissed a unicorn off? Yeah well, they're FIERCE wild animals and will fight to death if you try to capture them. Trust me, I know.
That's enough for now. I gotta DO WORK.

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