'Cuz I Felt Like It!

Not only do I love my mama wolf cat Christmas present (she even has little teets!).....so does our dog. I'm cryin'. Tears. Down my face.

...and I'm finally in the Christmas spirit. I've only been partially there, then for a minute there, I was totally NOT there. I wanted to burn Christmas down to the ground. I had to force it on myself. I had to blare Christmas music in the car and sing it really, really loud......fist pumpin' and all. I had to get over how much those stupid fuckin' reindeer antlers people are puttin' on their cars piss me off. Then we went to see Christmasy stuff at Stone Mountain. That did the trick. Hundreds of thousands of Christmas lights'll always do the trick. I don't know what it is about colorful, shiny, sparkly shit, but it always makes me happy. So, I've finally come around......and there's only three days left. Only THREE days! NOOOOOOO !!!! I need more! I call do over. Rewind. Back that shit up. I got a lot of obnoxious Christmasy behavior to pack into a small amount of time. Maybe I should go buy myself an awesome Christmas sweater. I don't get thes...

I haven't been writing lately. I haven't been answerin' my phone or respondin' to emails a whole lot either.....I know. I've been busy tryin' to build a time machine so I could slow down time and actually enjoy the holidays. So far, it hasn't worked. Stupid time machine. Everything seems to be in fast forward around Christmas time and I hate it. I can't seem to slow things down and enjoy it all. I decorated the house early. Got the presents wrapped and under the tree early. Everything certainly looks festive, but I just ain't feelin' it. Stupid time all goin' by too fast. I really feel like I'm on the verge of a meltdown. It's been building for months now and I've been pretty successful at stavein' it off. Hopefully I can keep it up, but it's gettin' harder and harder. Is this what depression is?!?!? If it is, stupid depression. My house is a mess. Everything from my basement is STILL in my dining room from the flood.....

I ain't so good at change. I hate change. Change makes me panic. On that note, I'm about to make a pretty big change.......for me anyways. I'm gonna be leavin' blogger soon for my own .com. I'm nervous. I'm totally freakin' out. It's the unknown and I don't do unknown. Hell, I can't even figure out unknown! You ever feel totally retarded when it comes to computer stuff? I do. All the time. Totally retarded. I can't figure out shit. Even the most minute change can leave me a droolin' mess on the floor. Luckily, I have Brandy . She can do anything....I mean ANYTHING. She's always helped me with all my computer issues. You need retarded help with website/blog stuff.... she's your lady . You need a website/blog built..... she's your lady . She's gonna help me build my new blog and even host it for me. Host? What does that even MEAN!?!? I dunno, but luckily she does. I'm freakin' out over this, but she said do it, so I...

I saw an itsy-bitsy bug walkin' on the bathroom floor this mornin' all wobbly and shit and thought, "wow, he must be blind and deaf....or drunk". On closer inspection, it was just a piece of fuzz. I was lockin' my front door once and sneezed.....a piece of carrot came flyin' out my nose, hit the door and bounced back hittin' me in the face. Where'd that carrot been hidin'??? I took this picture at the Tellus Museum in the little train town cases. I totally pretended I lived in this little town. I had a whole life. Really, I did. I used to see a plane flyin' overhead and would think about myself bein' on it flyin' somewhere totally awesome. I've been on a pancake makin' kick lately. Every time I make 'em I sing Sarah McLaughlin songs. I hate Sara McLaughlin. I talk to my plant at work. It's all gettin' big and has pretty shiny leaves. I thought, "dang, talkin' to plants totally works!....just look at how shin...

****SECOND UPDATE**** Pioneer Woman won't be speakin' tonight. Only signin'. ****UPDATE**** 2:30 p.m. Just called Borders. Pioneer Woman has moved signing up to 6:00 p.m. Boarders started handin' out colored wristbands at 9 this mornin' to guarantee your spot in line. YOU MUST HAVE A WRISTBAND!!! They're now on they're THIRD color of wristbands, and have never used more than one color at any other book signing! I had planned on gettin' there around 4ish so I could have a decent spot in line, but after this whole wristband thing, I ain't goin'.....sad face..... Ain't no way in hell I can sit in line until what is at this point gonna be 1 or 2 a.m with a whole bunch of mom bloggers all talkin' about baby snot and shit.....dammit....lame. I was SOOOOO excited!!! Dear Ree, I love your blog, like a whole lot. I love your kids faces and Marlboro Man's too. I love your funny way of writin', all your pretty photos and especially the re...

Don't you hate it when it gets all cold outside and all the swap meets seem to disappear? Yeah well, Jailhouse Choppers is steppin' up to satisfy your need for a winter swap meet.....this Sunday, December 6th from 1o a.m. to 5 p.m. Come out and buy some stuff for your winter project (whether it be a bike or a hot rod) and meet Pauly and Trafton and the rest of the Jailhouse team..... FREE FOR VENDORS AND SPECTATORS! NO COVER CHARGE!!! YOU GOT MOTORCYLE OR VINTAGE CAR PARTS YOU'DE LIKE TO SELL? CALL NOW TO RESERVE YOUR FREE SPOT! (770)978-8977 MOTORCYCLES, MOTORCYCLES PARTS, AND VINTAGE CAR PARTS ONLY! PLEASE NO LEATHER, JEWELRY, OR OTHER NOVELTY TYPE ITEMS, UNLESS THEY ARE VINTAGE. You got questions, they got answers........

Crisis averted......she totally fell for it.....or at least she pretended to. This is how it all went down..... I stopped at TJ Maxx on the way home and grabbed this way cute little elf. There's a whole lotta cuteness to match it that I wanted to buy too, but this is one broke bitch, and the elf was a necessity. I got home and said to the girl, "I got the weirdest voicemail today at work. It said..... Collect call from the North Pole, press 1 to accept ". Keep in mind that I am the WORLD'S WORST liar. This was no small feat for me. The girl was all, "MOM!!! That coulda been Little Jimmy callin' to explain why he ain't here on time, and YOU missed the call!"...... "Ain't no way it can be this easy" I thought. There is NO way the girl's fallin' for this shit. She calls me out on EVERYTHING and she don't do it subtly. She all bob's her head and holds up that one finger sayin' she ain't no dummy.....she'...

It's December 1st and Little Jimmy shoulda made his first appearance at the house this morning. Evidently, I hid Little Jimmy so good that last time last year that even I can't find him. This is no bueno. Little Jimmy is an Elf on the Shelf . We read the book, he shows up in a different spot every morning and watches and reports back to Santa every night. Seriously. The boy gets it. He knows. The elf ain't nothin' but a stuffed doll. The girl....she still believes. She was snoopin' around a week or so ago and found the book that Little Jimmy is SUPPOSED to be stuffed in after Christmas and said "Mom! Little Jimmy's not in his book! He's gone back to the North Pole to get all his instructions!" "Dammit. She STILL believes in Little Jimmy", I remember thinkin'. I mean really, you try comin' up with 30 different hidin' spots for a little elf that won't take your kids more than a few minutes to find every mornin...

I'm sick. Again. I'm so over bein ' sick. I've spent the past three days whining, snortin ' snot down my throat and applying mass amounts of chapstick to keep my lips from crakin ' from all the mouth breathin '. It's KILLIN ' me. Oh how I despise not bein ' able to breathe through my nose. Sudafed doesn't work. Tylenol Sinus doesn't work. Advil Sinus doesn't work. That stupid hair brained idea of a nettipot don't work either. I think everybody that uses one of those and say they actually work are liars. Stupid Oprah lovin ' liars. I'm a miserable baby when I can't breathe outta my nose. I pitch fits that can put a toddler in the throws of the terrible 2's to shame. I mope around punchin ' the air outta frustration......I mean in my mind I'm totally punchin ' my stopped up nose in the face, but it gets me nowhere....except in a first class seat on the train to lookin ' like a tot...

I've tried to not take it personal.....you know....this suckish attitude you've had lately.......but why shouldn't I? When it comes to everybody and everything......I'm the one on the back burner. I feel like I get all the left overs.....if there ever are any. I've tried to be ok, I've tried to hang in there, but I don't like sittin' in the back waitin' to be noticed. I'm an attention whore you know....and nobody puts Baby in the corner..... I've really worked hard at being a happy, more positive person and you're just bringin' me down. Down, down, down. You're distracted by too much negativity and quite frankly, my negativity pot cain't hold any more. It's time to get over it. Move along. You're life don't suck so stop fuckin' actin' like it does. I'm still here....on the back fuckin' burner, but I'm still here. Maybe we can be friends again one day, but until you straighten yourself up, as the...

How the hell have I NOT heard of this song before?!?!?! It's goin' on the ipod RIGHT NOW! Speakin' of camel toes....check THIS shit out.... May I introduce to you the cuchini....it's a frickin' camel toe SHIELD y'all!!! Who the hell needs a camel toe shield? If your cookie's all eatin' your pants up, pull that shit out.....or maybe your busted up ass needs to buy some bigger damn pants! I think I'ma get one to give as a gift at our Christmas Ain't Over Yet Bitches party......so to all ya'll that're readin' this that'll be there (details later), forget I even said that...... Camel toes....it's the new black.

Rain. Dear rain god....enough already. The joke's up. We get the message, whatever the hell it may be. I understand we had a lot of catchin' up to do after years of the worst drought our state has seen and I know you're tired of Georgia and Florida fightin' over water rights.....Florida needs water for their clams, Georgia for their people and yes the fight got old, but SHIT.....ENOUGH ALREADY. My back, hands and sanity can't take it anymore. Basements are NOT meant to be lakes. My eyelids. Every time I wear eyeliner, it transfers itself from just above my lash line to mid eyelid. Bastard eyelids bein' all droopy and shit. Scratch that....bastard eyeliner for suckin' ass and not stayin' where I put that shit. Goin' to the bathroom and realizin' there's no toilet paper one nanosecond too late. My husband's job. Dear husband's job, you are causin' way too much stress in Jeremy's life, therefore you are causin' way too much s...

Y'all have been lookin' for it and here it is! Yes , 13 Roses in Atlanta is gonna have another $13 tattoo (plus lucky $7 tip!) this upcoming Friday the 13th! Turn one of the unluckiest days of the year into your lucky day! You got a $20 bill, you gotta tattoo...... Q & A What does $20 get you? A kick ass tattoo by a kick ass artist. On the 13th, the shop will put on the front door a sheet of paper that has the tattoos you can choose from. Don't expect a half sleeve dipshit. It's a $20 tattoo!!! See that 13 on my arm? That's what I got last time..... ....and this taco (mmmm tacos)....it's what I got another time..... and that shit's a coupon at Holy Taco in East Atlanta....yep....a coupon. Does it just cost $13 for the tattoo? No asshat.....it's $13 tattoos with a $7 tip......$20. You got more than 2o dolla....tip more. Can I pick any tattoo I want? N o. Like I said before....they'll post a sheet of paper with what you can choose from on the front...

Imagine if all your words for the past 24 hrs had been recorded and turned into a transcript. How would it read? Would there be more life than death? Would it include words filled with life that build others up? How much of it would contain grumbling, complaining or even name-calling? (REMEMBER) what comes out of your mouth reveals who you really are. Focus on speaking words of life and blessing! If you change your words, you'll change your life. -(Joyce Meyers) This first time I read this, I thought of havin' my mouth washed out with soap. You ever have your mouth washed out with soap for sayin' somethin' you weren't supposed to? I totally did. I can't eat ginger at a sushi place because of it.....that shit tastes EXACTLY like Palmolive. (shudder) I've really tried to adopted a sort of philosophy of gettin' back in return what you put out into the world. Be nice and people will be nice to you. Take positive steps in life and more positive things will co...

Go vote for my girl! She's in an online Halloween costume contest and we're tryin' to win some dernd applesauce! You can vote once every 24 hours through November 7th. It's easy. Just click the link above, click allow, then thumbs up. That's it! No signin' up, no junk mail, nothin'!!! Just votin'! WOOOOO!!!

Remember when you were a kid and it seemed like it took six months just to get from Halloween to Christmas? Now that I'm an adult, it seems like it takes half the time it should to get from one Christmas to the other. Now, I just wanna get to the weekends. Every Monday it's the same thing....hurry up and get here weekend....and it usually does. Then when Sunday rolls around, I'm wishin' it was still Saturday. Time is escaping me. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Time's just goin' way to fast. Does that mean I'm on the downhill slide of life? Now that Halloween's over, Christmas is gonna be here before I can lick the salt off my lips from the pumpkin seeds. For the past several years I just want one more week before Christmas pounces on me. Just one more pay check. There's just never enough time or money. That's the way I see Christmas now. I hate it. When you're a kid, you just see the presents under the tree, the magic of the lights a...

We had a mexican themed birthday party for a friend of ours...... .....and I wanted to try my hand at cooking something authentic. I've always seen tacos de lengua on the menu at this little mexican joint we frequent. As much I've always wanted to order it (psht, yeah right), I've never actually ordered it in fear of pukin' in front of a bunch of mexicans and them pointin' and laughin' at me. What a better way to try it than cookin' it at home myself? First you gotta find the cow tongue. Since the Walmart closest to us didn't have tongue, we decided to go to a Walmart that was in Acworth which has quite the mexican population in parts. $9 later I had one big ass fat tongue. I also bought some fresh cilantro, 6 roma tomatos, a couple jalapenos, fresh garlic and some yellow onions. I already had the spices I wanted to use at home......cumin, oregano, bay leaves (which I ended up not using) and peppercorns. First thing's first. Get the tongue outta the...

Friday we took the kids to a car dealership for a Halloween party. Honestly, I just wanted to go for the free Hooters hot wings and save myself a night of cookin' dinner. I'm so over cookin' dinner (Even though I totally cooked cow tongue over the weekend....stay tuned!). Last year the girl won first place in the costume contest and won a $100 gift card to Target. I was all "WOO HOO...I'm goin' shoppin' at Target". She was all "uh, no mom....I won, you didn't." So I was all....."Yeah well, I bought that shit you're wearin' and I put your makeup on and I drove you to damn contest....so WOO HOO....I'm goin' shoppin' at Target!" I got a pack of gum. This year, she got second place. She was disappointed her gift card was only $35. I told her if she complained again, I was gonna hand it over to the kid in the dirty poodle costume, because not only did it look like she needed it, she would probably appreciate it. S...

I saw Scott H. Biram play this weekend at the Star Bar . He sang his last song totally nekkid. I mean really...standin' there basically eye level with his junk all hangin' out....It was kinda weird, uncomfortable and awesome all at the same time. He just so happened to drop trow right after I said "TAKE YER PANNIES OFF!" Did this line (which I tend to always scream out at shows) finally work or was it pure coincidence? I'll never know. It was awesome either way. Before the show, I also went to Netherworld haunted house with a bunch of bitches. We spent our time in line drinkin' Jack Daniels with potato chip chasers (sounds gross, but try that shit!) so I pretty much got shitfaced beforehand hopin' it would keep me from gettin' the ever livin' shit scared outta me. All it did was make me wanna puke my guts up on this twirly tunnel bridge thing (which I'm pretty sure it woulda done to me shitfaced or not). The last time I went to a haunted hous...

All these........ Have been replaced with these....... A few years back, I had a thing for Publix brand Ginger Ale, but this? This shit BURNS sooooo good.... I have this...... ....but I wanna move on to this...... The was my best friend, always full of gin and tonic..... ...but I've moved on to the pink drknk. This shit's AMAZING and before you know it, you're on the ground...... I used to shake my ass to this...... (so I still shake it to this, but after their drummer was a TOTAL douche bag to me, I've lost a little bit of that lovin' feelin') ...but now I'm more inclined to shake my ass to this..... I don't deal so well with change, but sometimes change is for the better....and it's inevitable.