Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Yeah, Weird....I Dunno

I saw an itsy-bitsy bug walkin' on the bathroom floor this mornin' all wobbly and shit and thought, "wow, he must be blind and deaf....or drunk". On closer inspection, it was just a piece of fuzz.

I was lockin' my front door once and sneezed.....a piece of carrot came flyin' out my nose, hit the door and bounced back hittin' me in the face. Where'd that carrot been hidin'???

I took this picture at the Tellus Museum in the little train town cases.

I totally pretended I lived in this little town. I had a whole life. Really, I did. I used to see a plane flyin' overhead and would think about myself bein' on it flyin' somewhere totally awesome.

I've been on a pancake makin' kick lately. Every time I make 'em I sing Sarah McLaughlin songs. I hate Sara McLaughlin.

I talk to my plant at work. It's all gettin' big and has pretty shiny leaves. I thought, "dang, talkin' to plants totally works!....just look at how shiny the leaves are!"......turns out the plant lady sprayed some shiny leaf shit on it. I still talk to my plant.

The first (and last) time I ever smoked weed from a bong, it was a total disaster. I blew into it instead of inhaling. How the hell else was I suppose to make it all bubble up??? The only way I could ever make bubbles in my coke was to blow in the straw. Bong water went all over me and I smelled. The hippies were pissed off at me. Stupid hippies.

I almost died the other day. I've been all snotty and stopped up for like 3 weeks now. I had ran outta tissues so I just snorted it all up.....a big fat booger ball hit the back of my throat and I down near choked. Luckily, I coughed it out before I passed out. It looked pretty gross sittin' there on the floor.

Have you ever listened to the lyrics to that Christmas song Baby It's Cold Outside? I mean like, really listened? The chick just wants to leave and the dude don't wanna let her. She's all talkin' about how everyone in her family's gonna be all worried and stuff. The dude convinces her to stay for half a drink more, then she's all "say, what's in this drink".....REALLY???? Dude totally put a roofie in her drink! What's Christmasy about that song!??!?

Totally random. Yep.


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