Friday, October 31, 2008

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

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It's Halloween! I LOVE Halloween! I just wish we were allowed to dress up at work. There are people across the hall all decked out in awesomeness, then there's me. Dressed in all black. Wah, wah......

I can remember when I was in school, we got to dress up. Now, they'll send your ass home if you come in dressed up. Assholes. Everybody's gotta be all politically correct and shit. This world has gone all kindsa retarded and it's all the stupid crappy parent's fault. They either won't allow their kids to celebrate Halloween because they say it's evil or they don't care what their kids dress up as no matter how inappropriate for a child it may be.

Number 1: Halloween ain't all evil anymore....it's about dressin' up and gettin' ass tons of candy and Number 2: Hey, Sandy the soccer mom, why don't you stop screwin' your best friend's husband when your's is outta town and pay a little bit more attention to the fact the little Sally's only 7 and dressin' up like a total whore. Snap to it! You're totally fuckin' up Halloween for everybody else!!!!

I don't understand why adults don't give a shit about Halloween. I mean really, did your childhood suck? Halloween is FUN. Nothin' but fun. It gives you a reason to dress up like a total idiot (or a slut in many ladies cases these days, which I'm totally all for) and not have people all eyeballin' ya like your nuts.

Come on y'all! If you have kids, take some time to help them dress up as something awesome and take them trick or treatin' and just stand back and appreciate how much they are lovin' it. Dress yourself up and go out and get drunk or hell, dress up and stay in and just hand out candy.


HAVE FUN! BE SAFE!!! IT'S HALLOWEEN!!!!!


*****Don't forget to check all your kid's candy before you let them eat it. Even though Mrs. Beaver Cleaver Neighbor seems all nice and shit, she might be puttin' razors in all the Reese's P-Nut Butter Cups.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Obtaining Happiness.....In the Words of Rev Run

Do you desire to be happy?

The proof of desire is pursuit. You must go to happy places...Pursue happy people...Create happy days...If you really desire happiness in your life, you must be willing to reach for it! Never blame anyone or anything for your unhappiness. Life rewards reachers. I have always said, "Happiness is never placed within your life, happiness is simply placed within your reach!" Now go out there and have a happy day!
......AMEN REV RUN! I've always said, "You ain't got any right to bitch about somethin' unless you're willin' to change it". Sometimes happiness seems like it just outta reach, BUT it's within your reach, you just gotta want it bad enough.

If you're not happy with something in your life, fix it. We could all die tomorrow, and who wants to die thinkin "I shoulda...." when it's always right there within your reach. Life is so much better when your happy and it's up to you whether or not you are. Only YOU can change your life.

Happiness is right there for all of us, you just gotta reach out for it sometimes.

Peace out bitches......

Monday, October 27, 2008

Hotlanta, Oh Hell Yeah

****Breaking News! There was a robbery in East Atlanta. Someone's T.V. and X Box were stolen....oh, and they're pitbull.*****

I was watching the news the other night and there was this cool downtown tattooed type couple living in Atlanta talking about how their house had been broken into and their pitbull was taken.

Since I have friends that live in Atlanta, I had seen a lot of bulletins posted on myspace, saying "Robber Steals T.V. and Dog"! People were shocked this had happened. Really? You're REALLY shocked that this has happened? It's ATLANTA. Not the millionaire gated section of Atlanta, but the "I live one block over from government housing" Atlanta. Sure your house is all old and teeny and cute and stuff, but you're LIVING IN ATLANTA. Chances are if you haven't already had your house broken into, it eventually will be and you'll be lucky if all they do is steal some of your shit.

A couple of months ago, two of my close friends had their home broken into and they also had a pitbull in the house. The thieves didn't steal him though. They just beat the shit outta've him with post hole diggers and he was shoved and locked in the bathroom while the looters dug through my friends panty drawer. Oh, did I mention they have kids?

In Alanta this kinda thing happens ALL the time . Over and over and over. Everyday. I think everyone I know that lives in Atlanta has either had their house broken into or something stolen off their porch or outta their driveway. I'm not even kidding.

You plan on raisin' a family in that downtown house of yours? What school you gonna send your kids too? Will they be allowed to play in their own yards or ride their bikes in front of the house? I bet when you moved there, you figured that all those neighbors that were eyeballin' you at first would get used to seeing you come and go and they'd treat you just like everyone else. Hell, maybe they'd even grow to respect you, since you had to balls to move into that neighborhood in the first place. Um yeah, I don't think so. It doesn't matter that there are $400,ooo homes two blocks away, the ghetto is across the street!

Y'alls old and teeny and cute houses are awesome, but why put that above your safety? Before your kid's or future kid's safety and education? Thanks, but no thanks. Being able to say "Yeah, I live downtown" just ain't that important to me. I'll keep my big ass house in the suburbs, with amazing schools and big yards for the kids to play in AND that most likely cost 10 grand less than yours.

P.S. I do really feel for the people that had their dog stolen. Keep your eye out for her.


Here's the info:

Black and white pitbull terrier with black eyeliner and a white tip at the end of her tail, medium-sized (about 60 pounds), very sweet but very timid and will probably not come to you if called, extra timid around men and will not bite. Please call 404-784-2469 or 404-451-1460 if you have any leads on Sophia. Sophia's owners ask that you please be on the lookout for her and are offering a $500 reward for her return — no question's asked.

Friday, October 24, 2008

10 Things I Hate A Lot

I thought this list would be way easier than the love a lot list. I hate a lot of stuff, but I had a much more difficult time choosing what to add to the hate a lot list. My love list, I coulda gone on and on and on.

I DO see the glass half full!!! I do! I really, really, do!

Now, 10 Things I Hate A Lot:

1. Admitting that I'm Wrong (which I never am)

2. Having a stopped up nose

3. Humidity and what it does to my hair (no, this isn't me, but it might as well be my hair) 4. "For english, press 1"

5. Hearing the sucky noises someone next to me makes while sucking on a cough drop (I just threw up in my mouth a litte)

6. Paying over $5 for a Starbucks only to get on the road and realize the new dummy made it wrong and it tastes like watered down poo

7. Hangers. You know, the one's that you can't pick outta your nose because they're stuck and when you finally do get them out your eyes are watering so bad it looks like you're crying
8. Seeing a mexican woman pulling into the health department parking lot in her Escalade with bling bling 20's and her 4 anchor babies crawlin' out of it. Yeah, you enjoy that free healthcare while I can't afford to take my kids to the doctor and I make too much to afford healthcare assistance. Thanks A LOT! I LOVE our government!!!

9. When one little bulb keeps the whole strand from lighting up

10. People that sue McDonald's because they looked in the mirror one day and realized they had a front butt. Like it's McDonald's fault! Micky D's didn't pry your mouth open and shovel that shit in.....you did. I mean really.......admit it. I totally have a muffin top and a gut that can produce the awesomest truffle shuffle you ever saw, BUT...I LOVE to eat and I LOVE lard.....That gut and muffin top of mine, my fault...not the lard man's for makin' everything that's cooked in lard taste so damn good! So shut up and buy a Richard Simmons VHS and DO WORK.

10 Things I Love A Lot

1. The way my kid's hands look and feel

2. That J lets me pull on his chin hairs with my toes and doesn't get mad

3. Breathing in cold air and feeling it fill my lungs

4. The smell of lumber yards. I lived at this one.......5. Dancing
6. Lauging so much and so hard I almost pee

7. Christmas traditions

8. That my daughter is just like me, but looks just like her dad
9. When my son finds something really funny that no one else gets

10. Driving really fast

11. Starbucks

12. Hello Kitty.....

Ok, so I went over 10, but I love a lotta shit!

10 Things I Hate A Lot coming up next!

I'm Obsessed with Hello Kitty

I wouldn't say that I am overly obsessed though. I don't freak out when I see something with my dear HK on it and the bow is on the wrong ear. I don't know what HK's mom's and dad's names are and don't care. I just love Hello Kitty. I mean, seriously, how cute is this face?

Now, with Hello Kitty gracing every Target Store out there, it doesn't matter that all those Sanrio stores that pop up at the malls from time to time never last more than 6 months, but the best is when you go to some unassuming store and bickety BAM there she is. She's on something that you weren't even looking for her to be on and I of course HAVE to have it.

Last weekend I was at a Japanese store looking for Naruto stuff for my son (since he's doin' so AWESOME in school) and I saw this and of course bought it. What in the sam hell is a Lychee? Well judging by the taste of this "non-carbonated soft drink", it's some sweet and slightly ink tasting fruit. Mmmm.....ink. I had no idea what a Lychee was, but it didn't matter. It had Hello Kitty on it and I wanted it.

My love for Hello Kitty does go as far as having a few HK tattoos, one of which was written about on the website kittyhell.com. A friend of mine came across it. Holy hell, nevermind the fact that my tattoo was on there, this site is awesome! Everything Hello Kitty you could EVER dream of AND all in one awesome little universe. I've picked out a few of my favorites and wanted to share.....

I want THIS cake for my birthday (which is Nov. 15th don't forget to buy me lots of presents!). Where would I put all those hundreds of candles though? Eh, who cares. I would just love having Hello Kitty's head on a little platter ALL to myself.

Everyone that knows me knows that I have an overactive booger gland.....could you see my picking my nose with this babies glued in place?

So, someone breaks into your house in the middle of the night. I think the "chk chk" sound of a shotgun alone when send the would be theif a runnin', but could you imagine this......

And, who wouldn't LOVE one of these Hello Kitty vibr.....err.....neck massagers? I've been asking Santa for this one for years now!
Since I could make this list of have to haves go on for DAYS, I will end with this......
I know it reaks of little Vespa scooters which I point and laugh at, and I no longer have a bike to ride on, but I'd still rock the shit outta this. You know, it'd be perfect for those nights of heavy drinking when I pull out the rollerskates or maybe just to wear when I'm drivin' around town in the Comet. Whatever, I'd totally wear it.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I'm Cold

Over the years, I've been called many things. Spaz, freak, bitch, big mouth, slutface (which I LOVED), biggot, idiot, sensitive (HA! That one was funny!).....I could probably go on and on if I thought about it long and hard enough.

Recently though, I've been told that I was cold......by more than one of my friends. To this, I just waived the notion away with my hand. Cold? No. Maybe 10 years ago, but now? I don't think so or should I say DIDN'T until today.

These days, I'm much happier than I have been in years. My husband and kids are awesome and I love hangin' out with them, I have a stronger relationship with my husband than we have ever had before and I have a lot of great friends. How can I possibly be COLD when my life is pretty flippin' sweet!?!

Well, I figured it out today. On the way to work I was listening to a book on cd called "We Need to Talk About Kevin". It's a mother's/wife's letters written to her estranged husband after their 15 year old son goes on a shooting rampage at his school. Something she said really stuck with me.....

"To not allow yourself to get close to anyone out of fear of being hurt is to not live life".

I said that over and over to myself. It really struck a chord with me and I couldn't put my finger on why. Then I got it. Some of my friends say I'm cold....I am and that was why.

Ok, so I do tend to keep my friends at arm's length. The less I know, the less they know, the less involved I/we are, the less bullshit there can be in the future. I mean, if you can save yourself heartache that you know is inevitable, wouldn't you? I guess that's my problem. I think that allowing yourself to be really involved in your friends lives leaves you vulnerable and open to let down and heartache and a lot of unnecessary bullshit.

I'm not putting forth enough effort I suppose. I laugh with my friends, I dance with my friends and I talk shit with my friends, but I keep them all at arm's length. It's like my brain is on an anti-depressant when it comes to friendships. I don't let anything get to me one way or the other. It's so much easier to just not get involved. I see so many people injecting themselves into other people's concerns and issues and then there's me......I just don't care. I've probably said that a million times in the last few months.......I DON'T CARE. I've stayed right in the middle of the road. It's easier there.

So, as it turns out I am cold. Part of me wants to say "So what? I'm cold....get the fuck over it", but that just make me mean on top of being cold.

I really should be a better friend to some of my friends and I guess I oughta try and fix it.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Slut Shoes

As long as I can remember, I've had a thing for what I now call "slut shoes". I have a picture of me when I was about 5 or 6 proudly displaying a pair of fantasic heels that my mother no doubt had to hunt all over for in a size small enough to fit me. I was probably the only kid that age to have them, but I did and I LOVED them.

They're always peep toed and always too high of a heel that makes your legs look oh so awesome.

I rarely ever actually BUY myself slut shoes. Several things always make me stop just short of saying "Can I get these in a size 7 please".

#1 The price. All the slut shoes I gravitate towards have a price on them that suggest in order to actually purchase them, you gotta be a high dolla hooker, which I, unfortunatly am not.

#2 I have a TOTAL lack of coordination and tend to trip/fall when I'm wearing the flatest of flat shoes. Hell, I can be barefoot and end up busting ass.

#3 Ever seen a weeble wobble? You know, they weeble and they wobble, but the don't fall down. Yeah well, that's me. You see, I'm a pretty top heavy girl. Well, I'm a heavy girl all over really, and my feet, they weren't meant to support my cute chubby little figure. They are oh so teeny compared to the rest of me which often makes me look as though at any minute I just might tip over.

HOWEVER, despite those things, no matter how hard I try, sometimes I cannot supress my inner slut. I had seen these shoes on a friend of mine and I couldn't stop staring at them. I knew I had a problem when I found myself belly down on the beer soaked floor of the bar rubbing my face on them.....purring. Not really, but that'd be awesome. Anyways.....

I HAD to have these shoes. Even if only to clean house in.

The weeks passed and I forgot all about said slut shoes. That is until I had to go buy shoes for work. As I was scouring aisle after aisle of shoes looking for some black kinda cute, but mostly flat and boring shoes, I spotted them. They were one row over....beckoning me. Tauting me. Saying, "buy me, you love me and your husband will love me even more"......

I shouted "Can I get these in a size 7 please???"

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

RIP Earl Small

I found out today that Earl Small, owner of Earl Small's Harley Davidson died this past weekend in a helicopter accident in New York. Everything I've read said he was on his way to purchase another helicopter and when his family hadn't heard from him, they called the authorities who found him and the helicopter Sunday.
My dad spent many many years working for Earl so I saw him often when I was a kid.

I can't think of Harley's without thinking of Earl. His first shop was off South Cobb Drive in Smyrna. I have awesome memories of that place. I loved it. I spent so many Saturday's roaming around that shop watching my dad work on bikes and sell bikes. I mean really, how cool was I that I got to hang around with all these rough and tough bikers? I loved their long hair. I loved that they all wore black and they cussed like sailors. I loved that they liked me and I was allowed to hang out with them.
Earl was another story. He always looked like a business man to me. He scared the shit outta me. Weird how none of the "dirty bikers" intimidated me, it was the business man. He reaked of authority. I don't remember him ever even speaking to me. Well, I heard him speak ABOUT me once when I was 14 or 15. He was having a big party at the store and I had offered to help with one of the booths. My dad and I went to ask him if it was all right and Earl not noticing me right behind my dad said "No, she looks like a freak with that hair of hers". Seriously??? A freak? Um, ok. You take a good look at what's hagin' around here buddy? From that day on I despised Earl Small.

When I would go see my dad at work Earl was never really there or if he was, I didn't usually see him. If I did, I'd turn tail and head in the other direction. I didn't want him to say the normal bullshit hellos while he was really thinking about how stupid I looked.

As the years went on, I no longer worried about what he thought of me. Turns out everybody thought I looked weird! Earl may have not liked my hair, but he gave my dad a job time and time again. My dad would screw up, get pissed and quit or have the bright idea that he really wanted to be a weatherman instead of a bike salesman or mechanic and he would leave Earl Small's. He would always go back and Earl would hire him. Then, when my Dad died, we were frantic over how to pay for the funeral. We all had nothing. Miraculously, the funeral was paid for in full. We all knew who had done it.

It turns out that my fear of Earl Small was an unfounded fear. He wasn't a scary mean ass man. He was a husband, a dad and a very successful business man. Earl Small had a heart of gold......he just didn't like my hair.

RIP Earl Small, tell my dad if you see him that I said "hello".
******************************************************************
Visitation will be held Saturday, October 24th from 2 - 4 and 6 -8 at Mayes Ward-Dobbins Funeral Home in Marietta
The funeral will be held at 2 p.m. Sunday, October 25th at McEachern United Methodist Church in Powder Springs

Monday, October 20, 2008

A Bad Case of Noassatall

You ever see those people that have no ass at all? I mean none. Nothing. It goes from back to ass without even the slightest difference. You know, those people that just got a back with a crack in it. Yeah, well I have.....everytime I turn around and look in a mirror. I have no ass. Even after gaining back the damn near 30 lbs I lost last year......still......no ass.

I'm gonna hunt me down a pair of them padded panties and buy me some. You ever see those panties that have padding in them? They're pretty flippin' sweet. An old friend of mine bought same and they did wonders for her back with a crack so I thought I'd go try some on and see if they'd work for me. My first expereince with them was no bueno.......

I happened to be at the mall with my daughter so her and I went into Fredericks. I got all kindsa awesome questions from my then 6 year old. They had this diamond thong and bra displayed in a glass case. She asked why they would make a bra and panties outta diamonds. She said, "don't you think that'd be uncomfortable?". She went on to ask where you would wear this bedazzled bra and panty set. Tired of all the questions, I told her women buy them and wear them around the house to clean.....that when the light hit them just right, all the sparkles made the house look cleaner. She said "you mean you would wear that while you clean? What would happen when you bend over to clean the tub?". Oh god help me.....where the hell are the padded panties??????

Finally after heading to the back of the store where they keep what I like to call all the "uglies", I found them. They had black and tan. They were HUGE (me being a pretty big girl anyhow....sheesh!) and looked like they would go up under your boobs. Oh well, I've seen somebody wearin' 'em before and they looked and felt real under jeans so I was determined. Especially since my husband is a big time ass man and I am totally ass challenged.

I grabbed a pair of the black one's (if that shit's gonna be half way up my back, I figured it'd look better in black) and went to try them on. I heaved and I hoed and bickety bam, the butt panties were on. Holy god, I was pantin' like a dog and my daughter was starin' at me in horror. She said "you wanna butt THAT bad mom?"......yes, yes I did.

I wasn't even gonna glance at myself in the mirror wearing the atrocious granny panties until I got my jeans back on. I put my jeans on and I turned around and to check out what I was sure to be my new amazing padunkadunk ass and uh yeah, I looked like a total freakin' dump truck. Not only did it accentuate the cheeks, but also the hips. Jesus. I need NO HELP in the hip department.

I was defeated. I took off the hideous butt panties and headed out. I told the black chick with an big 'ol awesome ass that helped me that there was no hope. As my daughter and I walked out of the store, she starts singin' "I like BIG BUTTS and I cannot lie"......
My hunt shall continue. I WILL have a butt.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

For Everyone Loves a Parade!

We went to the Little 5 Points Halloween parade this weekend and amazingly enough, we did it without anyone pitching a fit! More specificilly, without my husband pitching a fit. Crowds tend to make the veins pop outta his forehead and weird foamy stuff oozes from his mouth. No, I'm kidding, but wouldn't that be awesome? We actually got the kids ready and out the door at a reasonable time and not an hour later than intended like usual. Our son was Naruto for the second year in a row so all I had to do was pray his hair.Our daughter was a vintriliquist's dummy, an idea she got from an episode of The Suite Life of Zach and Cody. All I needed to do for her was curl her hair and paint up her face a little. This year was a piece of cake! There was no crying, screaming or hair pulling.

Since we actually made it out the door on time, we were downtown several hours before the parade or costume contest started so we didn't have the insane traffic to deal with. Every year, that insane traffic makes me think twice about going the next year. It can be the downfall of any seemingly sane person.
The costume contest was scheduled for 3:00 and I wanted to totally avoid it. Last year was a nothin' but a nightmare. Those people have no clue what the hell they're doin'. They've got one small stage, 100 kids and 300 family, friends and onlookers. At 2:00 they announced they were going to have it. Really? That's not what ALL the fliers say! Since it was an hour earlier than it was supposed to be, there was no one around hardly so my kids hustled over. They had maybe 8 kids including mine to participate. Our daughter came away the winner! Pretty awesome.
Since we had so much time to kill with the parade not starting for another hour and a half, we decided to eat at this new Mexican restaurant called Luna Nueva. My son ordered nachos and received a freakin' TOWER of nachos. I wish I had my camera out to capture the look on his face when they sat them in front of him! I ordered mexican style crabcakes less the crazy hot sauce they dump over the top since I'm pretty much a sissy when it comes to heat of any kind. Turns out my mexincan crabcakes without the crazy hot sauce are just plain ol' crabcakes. Suits me just fine. I love me some crabcakes. They coulda been battered in bat poo and I woulda loved 'em. Well, maybe not, but you get it.
After we ate, we headed to find our spot to watch the parade. This year they had vendor tents set up in the street along the parade route. As if it isn't packed enough already, they gotta throw in vendor tents?!?! There was however one vendor tent that I believe was sent straight to me from the gods. Monster energy drinks! I drank three. Ever had THREE Monster energy drinks? Wow, it gets a litte crazy.

I was so afraid that with the election coming up that the parade would be all politics. They did that a few years ago and it was such a freakin' downer. I didn't think I'd ever take the kids back. Thankfully, this year the parade was rated PG-13 and nothin' but awesomeness.
There was no George Bush with his penis hangin' out of his pants. There was no man dressed up in a full penis costume (Yeah, that was a fun one to explain to my daughter when she asked what it was......I said "It's a squid, now quit lookin'!"), there was plenty of zombies,
bands playing in the backs of trucks, creepy clowns,day of the dead skulls,
and men dressed as women,
but no nekkidness of any kind that I saw. It was good.....never the need for me to throw my hands over the kids' eyes sayin' "You DIDN'T just see that!"

One of the funniest things ever though was a man carrying around a loud ass chainsaw. My daughter, who is 7 going on 16 (I'm not even kinda kidding) was TERRIFIED of the man with the chainsaw. She was practiclly crawling up her daddy's back in a frantic fit. I laughed so hard. Ever laughed so hard with THREE Monster drinks in your belly? Not so awesome. I almost peed.

It was time to go home. We had plans to watch the fight with a few friends. I was so tired yet so jacked up all at the same time (damn those energy drinks!), the kids were mostly just laughing and not arguing on the way home, and J was not seeing red and ready to kill people. The day had been a success!

I love Halloween!!!!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Dirt, Jello Shots and Pure Deliciousness!

This past weekend was the Hot Rodz & Hillbillyz show that I have been not so patiently waiting for. If I haven't mentioned it before (which I'm sure I have), I had the TIME OF MY LIFE at this show last year and was waiting on pins and needles for it to get here this year!

The Big Wheel Bitches had our very first bake sale and we made out like bandits! We had all kinds sweet goodness! Just look at these apples!

along with all of my jello shots (which I think we consumed just as much as we sold!).We packed my car slap ass full of girls, cranked up a little old school rap,
and hauled ass down the dirt track until I thought my poor Bess was gonna fall apart. What makes it even better though, this year a friend of mine drove her awesome pink and black Comet so her and I got to go head to head on the track.

I left her in my dust time and time again! You could here her crying about losing from miles around! Yeah, right. Who am I kidding? She spanked me....over and over, but holy hell did we have a good time! By the end of it all we had a cheering section. Yeah, we know we're awesome! What's NOT awesome about two cars full of girls, boys and blue gorillas racing on a dirt track?
I can't WAIT for next time!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Hi. My Name is Jessica, and I'm an Addict.

I have an addiction. I need it, I have to have it. I wanna share it with everyone.....even my kids. Shit! Does that make me a bad Mom?


The first time I knew I had a problem was when I found myself telling everyone I knew, "In life, God gives to the givers and takes from the takers". I was on a big "karma's a bitch" kick and this was WAY awesomer said!
Yes, I am addicted to Rev Run's Words of Wisdom. They are my little life's lessons....inspirational quotes....whatever.
My Mom has one of those little quote things on her desk from which each day she draws "inspiration". It always says something like "They are my inspiration, these, the stanch, the skyward - lifting trees" (this is really today's! I asked her!).....anyhow, what in the sam hell does that mean? How does that relate to ANYTHING in my life? How does it relate to anything in ANYBODY'S life???

So today I signed up to receive Rev Run's Words of Wisdom daily so I can get my fix. I don't have to go in search for my fix, my fix will come directly to me. Let's just hope it's not some bogus ass site, because if I get cheated on my fix, I'm gonna be PISSED!
If you don't wanna become an addict, stop here, because what follows is just an example of the awesomeness of Rev Run's Words of Wisdom.....
"What places are you trying to fit in that keeps dissing you? Who are you pursuing that keeps ignoring you??? Think about this…. Who has been kind towards you??? Where has favor flowed for you for the past few years??? (Remember this classic principle!) GO WHERE YOU’RE CELEBRATED… NOT WHERE YOU’RE TOLERATED!"
That's what I'M talkin' about! I totally just gave myself a high five!
***Note***
No, this is NOT about YOU. As I re-read that awesome ass quote, it hit me that when you read it (and I know you will) you may think that it's all about you . Nope, it's not. I don't feel the need to make make my case.
When I first read this, I took the positive part out of it...go where you are celebrated....not the negative....the whole dissing and tolerated part, but after re-reading it, I did see how a negative person would see it and how you may think it was pointed at you. Nope. In the famous words of Carly Simon, "You're so Vain".
Love,
Me

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I've Been Tagged.....Again

So I got a message from Stitchblade telling me she had tagged me again.
This time the instructions were :
* Go to your Sixth Picture Folder then pick your Sixth Picture.

* Pray that you remember the details.

* Tag 5 others.
So, without further avail, here it is...

Pretty flippin' sweet huh? At one point I was gonna paint this on one of the walls in my living room, but never got around to it. Maybe one day!

As far as the taggin' thing goes, that didn't work so well last time so I ain't taggin' nobody!

Friday, October 10, 2008

10 Steps to Making a Butt Ton of Jello Shots

1. Have your awesome workin' in a restaurant friend come over with a butt ton of little plastic cups with lids.

2. Find some really big ass bowls.

3. Get said awesome friend to do some crazy math and figure out the jello to water to liquor ratio.


4. Boil two pots of water....one for Margarita jello, one for Watermelon jello.


5. While water boils, set out a butt ton of little plastic cups all over the table.

6. Open a butt ton of jello packets (imagine jello flying everywhere....yeah, I'm awesome like that) and dump it all into boiling water.

7. Mix, mix, mix.

8. Dump jello mixture in bowls with butt tons of liquor (yes, the steamy stuff will get you drunk!).

9. Start pouring butt tons of jello in butt tons of little plastic cups (makes a big fat mess).

10. Me and said awesome friend figer out a way to put butt tons of jello shots in the fridge.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Anybody Got an Extra Arm or two I Could Borrow?

This whole 9 to 5 job thing doesn't work for me. Well, 9:30ish to 4 in my case, but I digress.

I seriously have so much to do in life outside of work that it's making me go all batty and crosseyed and shit.

First, this weekend is the Hot Rodz & Hillbillyz Car Show .

Not only is the the FUNNEST (yes, I said funnest) car show EVER, but I also get to run my car on a dirt track! Here I am last year in the Comet (white car).
There ain't nothin' like haulin' it down a dirt track with a little "Gucci Crew II" blarin'. Yeah, that's right....GUCCI CREW II! I freakin' love the Cabbage Patch!

HOWEVER, this year I also have some responsibilities which means I gotta take it a little slower on the gin and tonics (pstht....right). Myself and some of my fellow Big Wheel Bitches have decided to do a bake sale! Who doesn't love a bake sale???? I've gotta make a kazillion jello shots (mmmm.....jello shots!), some S'mores and fudge. No actual baking involved for me since my oven has been broken for the past six months. Let's hope I actually sell more jello shots than I consume. I can see it now. I wonder how many jello shots I can fit in my mouth at one time. Mmmm.....I love jello shots.....did I already tell you that?

After camping at said car show, we will pull our hungover asses back home and have to clean the cars. Our poor babies will be covered inside and out in dirt which by the time the morning dew sets in, will be more like a thin layer of mud. Why not just wait and clean the cars later you might ask? Well, would you want your baby sit in a thin layer of mud longer than he or she had to? I bettin' no and you see, to me, my car is my baby. I can't let dirt sit on her! She'll just soak it all up and end be tea colored. Plus she's gonna need a lot of TLC after what I put her through this weekend. Ugh.....poor thing. Let's pray she can make it home on her on four wheels!

See, LOTS of dirt! You'll find that shit in places you didn't even know you had by the time you get to bathe!The SECOND thing coming up is all the Halloween stuff. I've got the costume situation under control. My son wants to be the same thing as last year, so I'm good there. My daughter wants to be a vintriliquist's dummy. I've bought her tux and hat off ebay already so there's another thing crossed off my list. NEXT weekend is the Fall Festival at my daughter's school immediately followed by the Halloween Festival and Parade in L5P. It's always awesome, but it's always a stress to get there. My husband HATES people so you can only imagine the fun in getting there and getting around in the crowd! Last but not least on my list is the upcoming holiday season. I gotta get my ass a' sewin'! I have to get a new stock of bears to the Spruill Gallery for their big Holiday House and have just about nothing to stock it with! This whole economy thing really just blows and because of it, I haven't been sewing much. I think my little Battle Scarred Bears are WAY down on the "Things To Buy" list for people right now so I just haven't been making them. Well that and I'm just too damn busy to be making them right now!!!

Anybody got an extra arm or two I could borrow? Maybe a time machine that will give me a few extra hours in the day? Maybe a lifetime of free money so I can quit my 9ish to 4 job? Anybody? Helloo??

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

My Dad.....He Rode a Motorcycle and He Would LOVE this Weather!

My dad died in September, 1998. It was a motorcycle accident. It was his fault. Dumb, dumb Dad. Why couldn't you have paid more attention? I can say though that he died doing what he absolutely loved. If it has to be our time to go, may we all be as lucky.

I didn't have the closest relationship with my Dad, but boy did I worship him when I was a youngin'! I only got to see him every other weekend and I could never wait, but as I got older things changed. A lot.
The first time my "Daddy's Little Girl World" came crashing down around me, I was 11 or 12. He gave me a dirtbike for Christmas. Since I didn't see him but twice a month, I didn't get to ride it often, but I could never wait to do it! I was ridin' a bike just like my Deddy! Well, after about two months, we were at my Stepmom's sisters house and one of the kids there was riding a dirtbike just like mine. As it turns out, it was mine! My Dad had sold it to them. I was devastated. I ran into the house and locked myself in the bathroom and just cried. I wanted my Dad to chase after me and say he was sorry. Tell me why he did it. Tell me something. He didn't. After a few minutes, I wiped my snot nose and tear soaked face on the robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door, lifted my head up high and went back outside. Nothing was ever said about my dirt bike. I got over it.
I realized that day that my Dad wasn't the hero I thought he was. I didn't just see him as the Dad I went to work with at the Harley shop, or the Dad that taught me all kinds of stuff about motorcycles, or the Dad that took me to all kinds of awesome places on the back of his motorcycle. Nope. As the years changed so did my love for my Dad. A sad reality that was shaped over many years and many disappointments.
There was all the times that I'd go see my Dad on the weekend and he would lay up in bed with his Barbie Doll like girlfriend all day while I sat in front of a t.v. (This was the first and last time in my life that I have ever felt the pangs of jealously.....I pissed in her lemonade and watched her drink it only to spit it out....I smoked her cigarettes that she left to burn out in different ashtrays around the house, and I made a little noose and hung a Barbie Doll from her rear view mirror in her car....I was 13).
When I was 16 I moved in with my Dad. When I was 17, I got kicked out. I went home one night and my Dad was all coked up (up until that point, I had NO idea my Dad did drugs) and yellin' at me. He told me to get all my shit out of his house, I couldn't live with him anymore. Then he shot at my boyfriend. He missed.
OH! Then there's the BEST one! My Dad had me follow him to a local airport, drivin' 125 mph on a busy road in his Corvette that had drugs in the back and it was gonna be repossessed. Yeah. I didn't know that at the time. I thought he was just letting me drive it because I love to drive and he knew it. Nope. Drugs were goin' who knows where and he was hiding the car in a hanger at the airport so he could keep it for a little bit longer. He didn't wanna get caught drivin' it.

I could go on and on, but I won't. I'd be here for DAYS. There's nothing you can do about how others once treated you....unless they're alive and you can tell them to take a walk, but since my Dad's not alive, I'll just not think about it anymore.

About three months before my Dad died, he decided he wanted to be a part of my family's life. He would call me in the morning and I'd meet him at the Harley shop and we'd have lunch together. I was in lala land! I loved seeing my Dad again. He was funny, and smily and awesome! Just like he was before the day I saw my step cousin on MY dirt bike. I was learning to love my Dad like a Daddy's girl should. I missed it. I missed him. It was heaven.
Then he was gone in a flash. I am SO greatful for those three months.

Every year around this time, I think of my Dad often. The air is perfect. It's nice and brisk and you can breathe it in and actually feel it. It lets you know you're alive. On the days that I think of my Dad, I don't think "Oh I miss my Dad. I wish he were still here". I think, "My Dad should be here riding his bike, soaking up this sun and breathing in this cool air". He would've love this weather.
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Look Twice, Save Your OWN Life, Cars are EVERYWHERE!!!


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