Sunday, January 31, 2010

We Had A Baby

I've had this hankerin' for a baby for about six months now......I asked Jeremy if we could adopt us a China baby...he said "no".........

....and since we had to put our Mama dog down almost year ago, Jeremy's been lookin' at dogs ever since. I kept sayin' "no". I can't do that again. He'd say, "Awww....look at this one"...I'd glance and so "um......no".

Then this lady was brought to my attention......


I got my baby! She's a Boxer Pug mix....and she's so cute she makes me wanna throw up.....I couldn't wait to get her. A week after we met her, we had her!


We still don't have a name for her. I've been callin' her Teeny.

Mini Pearl, Charlene, Scout, Roxy, Lula Bell, Lulu, Weezy, Tammy......all those have been tossed around, but none of stuck yet.....I want somethin' southern, sassy, trashy.....awesome....I think I just totally described myself.....Any ideas?


Our big boy just wants to stand over her.....watch her......then step on her. He loves her.


Let the chewin' and pooin' and peein' begin......

****UPDATE****
Our little lady now has a name....Weezy Lee. Weezy came to me when she was weezing a little while she was asleep....and Lee just to add a little southerness. Everytime I call her now I start singin' "Movin' on uuuup....to the east siiide. To a deluxe apartment in the skyyyy........"

Our first night was a little rough. She hollered ALL NIGHT LONG, which in turn pissed off our big dog who felt the need to holler back at her....and since he never really barks I kept thinkin' "Oh shit....what if someone's breakin' in the house"....I struggled half the night on whether or not to get up and see, but I didn't want Weezy to see me and think she was gonna get to play. We had a few accidents (but that was expected) and my mornin' routine has to be completely re-done until she gets the hang of things. Good times, good times.

She's totally worth it. You saw that face right?

Thursday, January 28, 2010

I've Been Lame

Once again, I find that my creative juices just ain't been flowin' so I haven't felt much like writin'.

I hate neglectin' my blog. I think about it everyday, but that's as far as I get. The thought never turns into substance....and quite frankly, it still hasn't, but it's been over a week since my last post so I felt like I had to give y'all somethin'.

You're probably tired of the all my pictures from the Big Shanty Flea Market, but I NEVER tire of that place.....and well, this is my damn blog so I can post whatever the hell floats my boat.....and this place floats my boat.....the things that I find there never cease to amaze me. I want so much of it too. I'm gonna end up bein' one of those people who has way too much junk. This place has replaced my liquor drinkin' money that I have slotted in my budget. That says a lot. Ok, so I'm totally lyin'.....whatever.

This trip was taken with my friend Chewy and the girl. I warned them both....I spend HOURS in this place....don't start whinin' and hour in, 'cuz you can just go sit in the car by yourself of you do.

The girl really had a blast. She's already asked if we could go back and get these glasses, because she knows she needs glasses.........and she wants me to schedule an eye appointment like tomorrow.


This stumped me. Get it??? Stumped?!?!? Yeah, fuckin' stupid I know. Like I said, the creative juices ain't been flowin'.

At first glance this looked like Linda Blair from the Exorcist, but the more I looked at it though, the more I think it's Loretta Lynn. What do you think?

THESE will definitely be added to my collection soon. I'ma make 'em some sweet little outfits too. Hell, I may just cut their heads off and hot glue 'em to somethin' else....like maybe onto a horses body or somethin'.

That's what ol' elk gets for bein' lazy and not runnin' faster. Those're just dogs Mr. Elk.....not cougars. You shoulda run faster.
Here's Chewy. Givin' herself a hand. She does that a lot.

This is another item that should be in my new junk. He's a little pricey for me though....and he kinda smells like spit.

On this trip I did find the very best thing I have yet seen at the antique mall and I mean BY FAR the best. I ain't jokin'. It was hidden behind a paintin'of JC (that's Jesus Christ to those of you that are don't roll with him like I do).....

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You ready for this?

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Angels singin' is what I heard when I saw this. I know I've said that before, but I ain't kiddin' this time. Angels. Just take a moment to bask in all it's gloriousness.........

HOWEVER, at $295, they can keep it....come to think of it though, they do have a layaway plan.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Rich and Famous. That's What I'm Gonna Be.

Not quite a year ago, I was an extra in Rob Zombie's Halloween II. I said I'd never do that again and by THAT, I meant be an extra in a movie. It was just shy of torture.

Once the movie came out, the reviews sucked. Imagine that. Not that I'd go see even if the reviews were good.....I ain't into them kinda movies, BUT I would've gone to see it if I knew I was in the movie. To see myself on the silver screen.....ahhhh.....

A local theater held a screening of the movie for all the extras and I had several friends go, but to my utter disappointment they each said I wasn't in the movie....none of us were....well one guy saw his left arm.....lame.

Here it is months later and H2 is out on DVD. I got an email from a friend who was going frame by frame (because she's lame like that she says) and there's a nanosecond where the only thing on the screen is my face. No f-in' WAY!!! Of course I went straight out to rent the movie.

By the time I get home, I have another email from someone else telling me the same thing. Sweet baby jesus.....I'ma be famous!

I suffer through the first part of the movie and get all excited when the scene comes up that I should be in. The main character is at the party and she's all freakin' out and things are lookin' all wonky.....I'm watchin' and watchin' and watchin' and...holy SHIT.....right in the middle of her seein' shit all crazy.......there I am.........



.....and I'm totally singin'....and not along with the music that's playin', but that totally ain't my fault....I ain't the one that pieced that shit back together and put it on screen.....


Rewind, pause, frame by frame, rewind, pause......

Millions upon millions (ok, the movie sucked so maybe thousands upon thousands) get to see my face and wonder...."who's that awesome chick that's all over my t.v. screen?" Sha.....It's totally me.

After about thirty minutes of rewind, frame by frame, pause, I continue on with the movie and....HOLY SHIT.....there I am AGAIN! This time super quick flash of me all lookin' the same. Rewind, frame by frame, pause.

Jeremy and my friend Chewy gotta be irritated so I continue on with the movie. Ahhhh....my fifteen minutes.....seconds....half seconds....whatever.

As the scene goes on, the main character and one of her friends heads outside and I'm tellin' Jeremy and Chewy how insanely awesome the outside of the party was and....HOLY SHIT.....there I am AGAIN....hangin' out by the stairs....pretendin' I'm drinkin' a beer and freezin' my ass off.....

My fifteen half seconds of fame has totally turned into 20 half seconds of fame.


Rich and Famous. That's what I'm gonna be.
I've decided I'm moving to Hollywood to pursue a movie career and I'm expectin' the offers to start rollin' in at any minute. As a matter of fact, I just missed a phone call from a number I didn't recognize....they didn't leave a message, but I'm certain they're gonna call back and I'll have my first leading role.....

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I Ain't Down With Brown

This past Saturday, I had a full day of awesomeness planned (another day at the Antique Mall, with the girl and a friend) so I got up at 8 so I could start on the torturous task of colorin' my hair. I went downstairs first to get Tina so she and baby wolf cat could have a play date with one of my cats that refuses to leave our bedroom, but when I wasn't lookin', Tina totally snuck in the bathroom (see her on the counter behind me?) so she could see what was goin' on. I tried to tell her the fumes were bad for her baby wolf cat, but she didn't listen. Who am I to tell her how to raise her baby......

Colorin' my hair blows. The worst part is brushin' it out first, hence the busy mane in the above photo. It's definitely not an easy task when you have the fro of curly knots that I have.


After finally raking all the color through my hair, I put the last bit that was left over on my eyebrows........oh sweet jesus the burn. Somethin' was definitely wrong here. The only time I felt that kinda burn was when I used bleach on my hair. Turns out I might as well have been......I didn't have my glasses on when I grabbed the 40 volume developer.....nice....I was about to have neon pumpkin orange hair.


Being that I pro that I am, I figured I'd let the color sit for longer than normal.....I figured the lifting of color would start first before the deposit of color so the longer it sat, the more color would be deposited. Makes since right?


I uploaded some new songs on the girl's ipod and cooked breakfast and before I knew it, the color had been on my hair for about an hour. Shit.


When I got out of the shower, I was grateful that all my hair hadn't fallen out, but when I looked in the mirror my hair was SO dark. Maybe it'd lighten up once it was dry....psht....right.



I totally have brown hair now......and I'm sad.......


....but not too sad to have a blast at the antique mall........

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Divine Population Control?

At the risk of losin' readers and majorly pissin' some people off to the point that they're leavin' me long drawn out replies tellin' me what an idiot I am (even if it's over spelling or grammar), I have to write this......I have to know.....am I the only person that has had these certain thoughts come across in my mind? Am I sick and twisted?



This earthquake in Haiti....they say it's killed 45,000 to 50,000 people. They also say in a city that was designed to hold 50,000 people, there are 2 million people crammed in.



Do you believe in God?




Could this be some sort of divine population control? Is God micromanaging forces of nature to tame what is obviously a country that is out of control?



The devastation is unfathomable. It's absolutely horrific, but if you believe in God, would it be safe to say that God gave each and every one of those people in that country a brain?



Maybe I'm ignorant. Maybe there's some blind force that's holdin' this entire country back from usin' their brains.



EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION.



Yeah, yeah, yeah.....they're a poor county. They don't have all the opportunities and luxuries we as Americans have. You know why we as Americans have all these opportunities and luxuries? Because we use our brains.



This is 2010. I always thought we'd be flyin' around in spaceships by now. You know, like the Jetsons or Back to the Future II? So we're totally not, but you'd think by now everybody'd get the jist of usin' their brains. Just by me admitting that I thought we'd by flyin' around in spaceships, you could argue that I ain't necessarily usin' my brain and that I'm ignorant....yeah well, I ain't ever claimed to be an intellect.



That's all.



I've purged the ol' brain of THAT and I even feel a little better now that I've organized my thoughts into cohesive sentences instead of keepin' them in my head like a bunch of jumbled of fishin' line.



If this does raise up some holy hell raisin' in you and you write me some angry response, I ain't gonna reply. I'm not into arguing over random thoughts or opinions.....especially with people on the interwed. So please, feel free to say what you gotta say......agree or disagree......



Tomorrow.....America's response to the devastation in Louisiana brought on by Hurricane Katrina vs. America's response to a devastating earthquake in Haiti.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Do They Make A Pill For That?

Forget, forget, forget. Always.

Gettin' on phone to yell at someone (i.e. cable company)....go over what you need to say in your head first so you don't sound like a total fucktard.

Long blogs don't hold my attention.

Suck at tellin' jokes, wanna be good at trivia.

One main issue.....attention span....ain't got none.....Does it equal laziness???


See that list? That list is how I function on a day to day basis. I started writing the below red colored paragraphs and kept getting lost and had to stop to write down the above things so I could remember to touch on them.


I can't remember shit. I can't stay focused. I have to write anything and everything down if I wanna remember it. I cannot multi-task. To see me tryin' to multi-task is to see a retard jerkin' around in a strobe light. What's my damn problem???


Did I do a shit ton of drugs when I was a kid? No. That shit's for hippies. Ok, so I did do some, but I quickly moved on.


I have a million things that I wanna to do. I think about doing them, but that's as far as I get. I have a severe case of no motivation. I'm lazy. Way lazy.....but am I really? Maybe I just have a focus issue. I CAN'T do more than one thing at a time. Just can't. When I'm interrupted, it takes me two years to get back to whatever I was doing. It's gettin' worse and worse too. Don't interrupt me. Ever.


I have so many issues that there's gotta be a pill that can help me with at least a few of them. Not that I'd take it, because if my finger got cut off, I'd just take Ibuprofen. I don't EVER take medicine.....I think if you take medicine to fix one thing, it'll give you some other issue that you'll need another pill to fix and on and on and on.


First problem.....I'll think of something and think "I gotta remember that for later"......like somethin' I wanna google or somethin' funny I wanna tell Jeremy. Not two seconds later, it's gone. I try SO HARD to remember random things, but I just can't retain them. I just wanna be able to tell a joke to someone without totally fuckin' it up, by forgettin' it half way through. When I was a teenager, I was ALWAYS writing on my wrists. Sometimes there'd be a whole damn list of shit on my arm.....it was the only way I was able to pass anything.


Do I have ADD? They make a pill for that....I know.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Frozen Dairy Dessert vs. Ice Cream....Either Way Tina Ain't Havin' It

Our friend Chewy came over for dinner last night and brought with her some ice cream so we could have ice cream sundaes afterwards. When she took the "ice cream" carton outta the bag, I saw that it said "frozen dairy dessert".

I don't get it. I'm just not real clear on why they can't just call the ice cream, "ice cream". Is there some sorta copyright infringement issues? Like Bryers and Edy's and Ben & Jerrys and Haagan Dazs and.....I could go on and on......are the non-generic brands of ice cream the only ones that can call their ice cream, "ice cream"?

I'm so confused.....and so retarded....I've spent and am still spending entirely too much time ponderin' this.

When Chewy opened the carton I looked at it and said "where the hell's all the little black specks?"......she said "this shit ain't vanilla bean ice cream....it's frozen dairy dessert".....

I'll admit....I was a little apprehensive about tryin' the frozen dairy dessert. I figured it'd taste like ass since they didn't even feel comfortable enough with their product to call it "ice cream". It was actually pretty good though! It tasted pretty similar to Dairy Queen soft serve to me.

In all seriousness though.....if it looks like ice cream and tastes like ice cream WHY IN THE HELL CAN'T THEY JUST CALL IT ICE CREAM? I think I might have to write a letter to someone about this before it drives me to takin' a sharpie marker to the ice cream aisle at the grocery store and changin' all that shit to say ice cream.

After devouring my frozen dairy dessert, I went back to the kitchen and saw Tina hoverin' over the carton. Tina's lactose intolerant so I was a little confused, but upon further inspection, if you look close enough to her baby wolf cat's top lip, you can see that she'd gotten into into the frozen dairy dessert. Well that or she has rabies and was frothin' at the mouth.

Monday, January 11, 2010

A Man of Many Hats

I do my best to torture Jeremy on a daily basis. Like show him who's boss and stuff (psht, right). Ewww.....Talkin' about showin' somebody who's boss....have any of y'all read The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty books? Sweet lord o-mighty.......don't. That is unless you're into severe slave and master type shit. Readin' it's almost like reading about non-stop rape. Man rape, woman rape,.....it's all there and so very wrong. It's been really hard to get through the books. I knew goin' in it was non-stop.......for a lack of a better word......bonin' in and S&M sorta way. I just had no idea the extent of the S&M. It's just WAY too much for me. I can handle a little hair pullin' and a little smack on the ass, but not.....ugh....I can't even write about it......it's just too much. I'm determined to make my way through all three books though no matter how many times I have to put it down and walk away.

Anyhow.....

This is my last of the pictures from mine and Jeremy's 4 hour excursion at the Big Shanty Antique Mall....and yes, I made Jeremy put on hats. It wasn't without eyeball rollin' and him givin' me the crazy eyes though.

One of the hats was a shriner hat and who doesn't wanna be a shriner? I mean there's a secret hand shake I'm sure....and probably a secret tunnel somewhere too. Then....THEN, there's those little minicars they drive around in parades and stuff.....

The hat is half way there to all the gloriousness that is being a shriner.

There were several of these little yamakas. Ok, so they're not yamakas, but they were funny as shit and I wanna call 'em yamakas. Just look at that face.......he hated me.

I've saved the best hat for last. It was also, in my opinion, the BEST gift at our Christmas Ain't Over Yet Bitches party. I can just picture. Jeremy in some fancy band uniform. Marchin' around blowin' hard on a tuba, cheeks all puffed out.....AHAHAHAHAAA. I loved this hat. I wish I still had it.

Oh wait.....there was also this hat. I call it Tangerine Vagina. Just look at the beast that it is...but....how did I NOT see that hat that's behind me there on the right? Holy god. It's like a puffalump safari hat and who doesn't love puffalump safari hats?!?!? I'll have to try it on next time we go.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Tina and the Blizzard of 2010

For days now Atlanta's been all buzzin' about the winter storm of 2010. Awesome. All the dipshits are gonna be at the store stockin' up on milk and bread. Why the hell you gotta buy milk and bread? The smart thing to do would be to go the liquor store and buy some whiskey to keep yourself warm.

We decided to grill out steaks. Actually our friend Chewy said she was comin' over with steaks........I think it'll be new tradition. All the other asshats'll have milk and bread.....we'll have steak.


As far as the winter storm.....we got like 16 inches.....of horse shit. We barely even got a dusting of snow.

It was enough though for Tina to start frothin' at the mouth wantin' to take her baby wolfcat out for her first snow.


She was so excited. She wanted to commemorate the occasion by writin' in the.....uh....snow.
Sweet, sweet Tina. I remember my kids' first snow too. Those little rosy cheeks and frozen feet and fingers. I love snow. It's a good thing we don't get it here like we once did though. It's like the snow's laced with stupid. Everybody just gets stupid. I think most people believe that the streets are slick the minute one single snow flake hits the ground. Thirty-five seems to be as fast as anyone wants to go. I really thought I was gonna lose my mind on the way home yesterday as a few flakes meandered their way down to the street. Idiots. All of 'em. Thankfully there weren't an asston of people at the store when I stopped to get charcoal......all the tards had gone the day before.

Last night before I went to bed, I saw that the kid's schools were gonna be closed. Even though there was maybe a milliliter of snow to actually hit the ground here, all that just turns to one solid block of ice......see all that white? Solid ice.....I'm thinkin' about ice skatin' on it later today if anybody would care to join me.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Weird Awesome Dolls err....People Type Things at the Antique Mall

I'm sittin' here tryin' to come up with somethin' witty to write to start this off with, but I got Slayer's Raining Blood stuck in my head and that's really not helpin' me out much. So I'll just get to it. More awesomeness from the Big Shanty Antique Mall.....this time it's all dolls or people or...whatever......

I remember Jeremy sayin' somethin' about this doll that I thought was really funny, but again...Slayer stuck in my head so I got nothin'. That's one arrogant assed lookin' doll with her fuck me eyes.....or are those Betty Davis eyes? Betty Davis scared the shit outta me. She was one mean ass lookin' old woman.



The Jewish Bride. Really? Chick all gettin' felt up way back in the day.....I think it'd made more sense if it said Drunk Irish Bride.



...and THIS lady.....just look at the smile on her face...and her hands....bitch about to whip your ass AND she's gonna smilin' about it the whole time.

Check out this baby jesus.....he's all stoned and shit.

AHHHH!!! Why your eyes gotta be all wide open like that? You ever notice how so many dolls from ages ago are just creepy as shit? Why?

What the hell this is, I ain't got a clue. She's all feedin' her baby and got her mouth all wide open like she just got poked in the butt. Who made this? Why'd they make it? What does it all mean?!?!

Check out the knockers on this Barbie. She's got her hand all weird like she's holdin' a.....microphone....and she's got a scared dear in headlights look on her face. What's goin' on here?

When I saw this, I immediately thought of Michael Jackson. Do you see it or is it just me?

Again with the scary ass lookin' dolls. Her hair looks a lot like parts of mine did the last time it got singed. Ok, so it wasn't the last time, but the time before that. My hair totally got burned again this weekend. How does that keep happening to me?

"Sure I'm your friend". You know those words are a total lie right? The creepy boy/girl ain't your friend. She, he...whatever is just about to hustle your ass. Look at her, him, it......standin' there with foot crossed and makin' kissy faces....you're about to be fucked.....and it ain't gonna be good.

That's it for the people post. Tomorrow will be the stupid hats I made Jeremy wear and....dun, dun, dunnnnn.......the gift we gave at the party.

Weird Awesome Animal Creature Type Things at the Antique Mall

Just after Christmas Jeremy and I went to the Big Shanty Antique Mall to find a gift for our Christmas Ain't Over Yet Bitches Party. If you read my other post about this place, you'll remember some of the insane awesomness that can be found there.

After four hours, we had eaten awesome cheeseburgers and tamales at their little cafe, seen some of the most fantastic creatures type things ever made and found the best gift ever....which I will show in another post later this week.

I, of course, had my camera.........

These things, I'm not sure what the hell they are.......
Bunny woogies is my best guess. What's a bunny woogie you might ask....I dunno, but these certainly look like em'.

This little guy, I loved.....I want him for my very own and will most likely go back for him along with a couple of other things......I mean who doesn't love a red white and blue vinyl pony horse.....or is it a donkey?

This thing.....this thing is the what nightmares are made of....I'm pretty sure it was in one of mine when I was in like the 8th grade.....It's the stealer of all the world's happiness I'm quite certain. I'll probably get it too when I go back. There's a place on my mantel just for him. I think I'll name him......Flar, because that's probably the sound he makes as he's suckin' out your soul.

I saw this and thought "awww hell....that's better'n cheesy grits". A deer. A deer with a confederate soldier's hat AND a confederate flag....and a jug of moonshine AND a pistol.....hot damn.....Can't say I got a place for it at my house, but I'm sure I know a few people that do.......

Then there's this guy....Why???Why the hell would someone even make somethin' like this? I wanna buy it just so I can take 'em him and feed 'em. Then of course, I realized he's just a porcelain horse and I can't feed 'em......I still might buy him though....just because.

I LOVE this....... I bet it smells like maple syrup. I'll have him though....and I'll bathe him....and I'll name him Dang.

This was one monkey paintin' in a pair of monkey paintin's. I wish I would've taken a picture of the other one, but I was in complete awe of this one. What the hell's a monkey gonna do with a pencil? I get the crown and the fancy dress.......but the pencil?
Last but not least is this.......
Oh how I LOVE this. A wind up metal bunny, with soft furry ears. I want him so bad. I can't believe I didn't get him. I want a lot of stuff I see at the antique mall though so I take pictures and think on it for a week or so. Then I'll go back, spend another four hours and find 18 more things I want.

This is just the beginning of our four hour journey so check back tomorrow to see all the awesome doll/people type things........

Tina Spotted

I've had a feelin' I've been bein' watched for days now. You know that tingly, hair standin' up on the back of your neck type a feelin'?
Well, while I was uploading pictures from our second Christmas Ain't Over Yet Bitches Party (pictures comin' soon), I looked up to see Tina all eyeballin' me. Strangest damn thing and kinda creepy. She's been turnin' up in the oddest danged places. Luckily I had my camera nearby so I was able to catch her before she was off......

I'ma do my best to catch this fine furry feline, but she's a quick little wolfcat mama....

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