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My Kids...I Pretty Much Love 'em....Like A Lot

When I was a teenager, I hated kids. I SWORE I'd never have kids.

For the most part, I still think kids suck. They talk back and give you the stink eye as soon as they realize they can move their little bodies.....and you can't just haul off and hit 'em like you could an adult. They usually smell like butt, because kids hate bathing. They cost an ass ton of money. They spill cherry koolaid on your beige carpet. They leave shit all around the house so when you get up in the middle of the night, you cut your foot open stepping on some stupid toy.....really, I could go on and on about why I always hated kids.......then I had my own.


I love my kids. Like the kind of love I didn't know I was capable of. I'm fiercely protective of my boy when it comes to the outside world. Now that he's a teenager, I need to stop holding his hand so much and let him take the lead. It's gonna be hard to do, but better now than when he's 30 and still living at home in our basement.



Sometimes I really have a hard time understanding our boy. He's nothing like I was when I was a kid. I was all about playin' kickball in the cul-de-sac and hangin' out with my friends. He's all about not coming out of his room.....like ever. He generally doesn't seem to like any of us. He has his moments though. He likes to laugh and be goofy and those are the best times.

The girl on the other hand is the complete opposite.

(This picture was the inspiration for this particular blog. The girl was so pissed she had to do this. She sat there the entire time and complained..."this is so stupid Mom"...."Do I look like a total idiot?"..."I can't breathe with this stupid thing on, isn't it supposed to be HELPING me breathe?")
It's funny, in all my years of hatin' on kids, I especially wanted to kick the crap outta little girls. With all their sass mouthin', pink shit and drama I thought I rather die than have a girl. I was wrong.

My girl and I have a special bond. She is me and I am her. She's like a mini-me. Sometimes she makes me wanna beat my head against the wall (well most of the time actually), but we're so much like each other I guess that's expected.

Everywhere I go and everywhere I am, she wants to be. I can barely wipe my ass without her wantin' to see what's goin' on.....literally. She gets upset if we don't have enough snuggle time in the evenings. In that case, her and I couldn't have been more different. I HATE snuggling. I think our boy does too.....he definitely gets that from me. We'd both just rather not have to.

The girl needs to snuggle and cuddle. It's like her brain will explode if she doesn't have that time with her dad and I everyday. The weird thing is though that I don't mind it.


When I think back though, I tend to remember all our boy's firsts more than our girl's. I remember all the funny ways he said certain things. He said "terlick" for toilet, "chwockit" for chocolate and "watart" for guitar. I remember the first time he walked like it was yesterday. I remember potty training him and the hell that that was. I remember so much, but my brain has evidently turned to jello, because with the girl, I don't remember so much. I think I have a lot of it written down. Maybe. I hope.

Even though my kids totally warped my body and sometimes make me wanna stick toothpicks in my eyes, they have also given me the gift of selective hearing. What a precious, precious gift.

Seriously, I love my kids. A lot. When they fly the coop, I'm gonna cry. Vasectomies are reversible right?

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