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Always Wear Your Seatbelt

Last week my mom and I stopped for a bite to eat at The Varsity on our way to the courthouse in Atlanta. Oh sweet baby jesus is that some good food! I hadn't been in a LOOONG TIME because you gotta give yourself about 6 to 9 months to filter out all the grease you consumed before you have it again, so I was really excited.

When we walked in there was like 3,000 people waitin' to order and only two yellin' "What'll ya have, what'll ya have?" We walked down to the end so we could place our order and the guy says a buncha mumble jumble about my tattoos sayin' I "must be so and so's girlfriend", because "so and so sho does like all them tattoos" dude I ain't so and so's girlfriend. He said a buncha other shit I couldn't really hear before "so and so" came over to tell me how much he liked my tat-toos and asked "how many you got?" I wanted to say "nunya damn business fool, why dontcha stop starin' at me like I'm the last meal you're ever gonna have and go get my damn food." Instead, I just said "I have no idea", and he finally went on his way.

My mom and I sat at two of the school desks in the tv room and devoured our food before we headed back out to crazy streets of the Atlanta. First though, we had to deal with the crazy Varsity parking lot.

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to my mom. I should not have yelled at that lady like that and I should not have used that language. You're right, you never know who may be carryin' a gun and we totally coulda been shot. I should watch my temper. I'm sorry.

After some crazy kungfu like driving, we made it outta the parking lot and I dropped my mom off at the courthouse. I had to circle around a few times before finally finding a spot on the street to park where I wouldn't have to feed a meter.

Just as I was about to show off my awesome parallel parking skills, a big ass Suburban came swooping into the space. I flipped out. I had the door open and was desperately trying to clamour my way out, but every time I tried I was flung back into the car. Yeah, I forgot about the seat belt. I tried and tried and tried to undo the seat belt, but it just wasn't happenin'. Finally, I realized I had totally been defeated by the seatbelt and thought "you need to calm yourself down....just pick up the phone and call about cheese...whatever, just calm down."

What a total retard I musta looked like all tryin' to haul my ass out of the car to only be held back by the stupid seatbelt. Ya know, come to think of it, the seat belt probably saved my life that Mom was right. That person totally coulda had a gun.

Let this be a lesson....always wear your seat belt. There's a good chance it'll save your life in one way or another.


Anonymous said…
That's right honey...yo' mama knows what's best....apology accepted!
Cooking Asshole said…
Coleslaw and chili dog? That sounds delicious!
It IS delicious Asshole! It's the only way to eat a chili dog.
Tiffany said…
Sounds like we have the same temper!
Not a good temper to have Tiffany! You'd think I'd no better by now. I think I was just havin' an off day.
Tori :) said…
That's when you pretend like someone was holdin' you back.
"No! Let me at 'em! I'm gonna whoop some ass! Let go of me!!"
I hell yes! I totally shoulda thought about that Tori!

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