Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Hey Dood, Why You Wanna Be So Gross?

Men have mirrors. Right?

Then why does this happen.....
I've seen the most "business" of business men with eyebrows like that. Don't get me wrong. That shit is AWESOME on your old ass retired grandpa, but a man that's still out there workin' in a white collar world....not so much. Is there a secret society of high powered white collar men with crazy ass eyebrows and only the craziest of eyebrows are allowed to know the secret handshake?

Why not just trim them suckers? Why? I'm DYING to know.

Then, there's this.....

Dang doooood......don't you know boogies can hang on that? That ain't pretty. Girls are gonna see that and turn the other way. You got a mirror right?

My J's even been guilty peepin' nose hairs. I used to get all close too him and gaze into his handsome face, I'd go in for the kill all like I was gonna smooch him and at the last minute, *BAM* I'd yank those little peepin' hairs. That's what he gets for havin' peepin' nose hairs!

Last, but not least while I'm on my rant about men....there is THIS...SERIOUSLY? I'm gonna stand here and listen to you talk and you're gonna stand there and rearrange or scratch your boys? NOOO! You're wife/girlfriend may LOVE to see you manhandle your ding ding, but I don't. What would a man think if I stood there and fondled my crotch while he talked to me? All jokes aside. He'd think I had crabs or a horrible infection or a brain concussion. You just shouldn't do it unless your alone or in the privacy of your own home. I'm just sayin'.

We girls have come up with all sorts of ways to handle ourselves if a situation arises......down there. There's the sit down and scootch over to the edge of your chair move. There's the squeeze your thighs together real tight move and my favorite is the "walk". The walk is awesome. I wish I could show, you, but since I'm on the computer I can't. Let's just say it would fit right up there Monty Python's funny walking people. It gets the job done and........at least we ain't walkin' around fiddlin' ourselves in front of everybody.

I'm not kidding. Y'all men need to stop, look in the mirror. You got eyebrows that look like armpit hairs? Get scissors....trim them bitches. You got hairs peekin' out your nose or ears? They make these things called nose hair trimmers. It works wonderfully. Next, stand there in front of your mirror and grab your ding ding. For one second think about what it looks like to a woman. It looks like you got a little ding ding. Yes, yes it does. So save the touchin' of yourself for YOURSELF.

Thank you,



Anonymous said...

I'm crying I'm laughing so hard!!!!

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