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You know, I saw a man takin' a poo on the side of the road once. I was on my way to work. I was minutes from Buckhead (one of Atlanta's rich people neighborhoods). Dude just pulled his pants down, squatted and pooed. Then he stood up and pulled his pants up. For a brief moment I thought about turning around gettin' outta my car and telling him what a disgusting waste he was. I didn't. I wanted to go to Starbucks before work and didn't have time to do both. Plus, I didn't want to possibly die or get cooties. Either one....ewww.

I thought about that man again this morning. The image of his bare ass squatting there on the side of the road still haunts me. It was so disturbing.
That got me to thinking of other things that disturb me equally as bad.
The smell of my feet after I have worn shoes barefooted is pretty damn disturbing and at times vomit inducing. I hate wearing socks. I love just slipping on a pair of shoes and goin' about my business, but then at the end of the day I wished I hadn't. Good lord the smell. Awful. Then, all those pretty little cheap socks with skulls and such on them, they make my feet stinky after a while too. If I have to wear socks, those are the one's I want to wear. Dammit. So I have to buy expensive socks, all cotton socks. So my feet don't stink. Disturbing.

Another thing that has been disturbing me is all the leaves that flutter around on the road as I'm driving. Just about every time one of those little leaves makes it out in front of me I panic for just one second thinking it's a lizard or something and I'm about to help it meet its maker.

What's wrong with me? I think my brain is on holy mother overload and it's starting to freak out a little. How can I even compare the man pooing on the side of the road with my sometimes horribly stinky feet and leaves that I mistake for lizards? To me, those are all equally disturbing. Each of them take up the same amount of the disturbing file I have tucked away in my brain.

Retarded I tell ya. Just retarded.

P.S. I like steak. A lot.


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