'Cuz I Felt Like It!

You ever see those people that have no ass at all? I mean none. Nothing. It goes from back to ass without even the slightest difference. You know, those people that just got a back with a crack in it. Yeah, well I have.....everytime I turn around and look in a mirror. I have no ass. Even after gaining back the damn near 30 lbs I lost last year......still......no ass. I'm gonna hunt me down a pair of them padded panties and buy me some. You ever see those panties that have padding in them? They're pretty flippin' sweet. An old friend of mine bought same and they did wonders for her back with a crack so I thought I'd go try some on and see if they'd work for me. My first expereince with them was no bueno....... I happened to be at the mall with my daughter so her and I went into Fredericks. I got all kindsa awesome questions from my then 6 year old. They had this diamond thong and bra displayed in a glass case. She asked why they would make a bra and panties outta ...

J and I woke up around 7:30 Christmas morning and the kids were still totally sacked out. I've always told them they have to wait wait until they can see sunlight before they could get outta bed. I've always worried one of them would get up after an hour of sleep thinking it had been all night and they'd totally catch Santa and Mrs. Claus putting out all the presents. But DAAANNNNGGG ....we had to wake them up and it was 7:30 ! It was pretty cloudy out though and it had been a crazy BUSY few days, but you can bet yer ass nobody ever had to wake me up on Christmas day! Once we got them awake, I put on my new bunny slippers and headed downstairs with the video camera. I kinda wish I had set up the camera somewhere so I had pictures of the kids too instead of just video. I love photographs and hate that I don't have any. Once the kids were done, J and I opened our gifts and he really did a good job this year. Not only did I get the Bitch ring he gave me a couple days...

Some of you may remember my post about the slut shoes I couldn't live without. The slut shoes I had to have. The slut shoes that were never get the love and adoration from the people because I just haven't worn them enough. Despite what I wrote before, I have yet to clean house in my slut shoes. I've worn them to the office a few times (slightly inappropriate I know), but they've never been worn "out". I know what happens when I go out. I drink and I tend to.....stumble....a little. (Random picture from Saturday night!) While gettin' dressed to go out Saturday night, I decided to put on my awesome slut shoes just to see exactly how much of a weeble wobble I looked like in them. I sauntered my ass in to the bathroom where J was brushing his hair and I posed. He said "damn, your ass looks good! Wearin' your butt panties aren't you?" Well, no, I wasn't wearin' my butt panties, my ass has just gotten that big thank you very much........

I have admittedly gained back all the weight I lost from taking fat crack a couple years ago. It was nice bein ' thinner and all, but damn, I love to eat and without fat crack, I do eat.......a lot. It's like my favorite past time. There's this restaurant down the street from us that has the BEST crabcake sandwich EVER (I love me some crabcakes! If I were ever to get my knuckles tattooed they'd say Crab Cake) and some very delicious calamari and I will put all of it right into my belly. I mean I might be about to barf half way through eating it all, but I know it won't be even half as good if I take it home and microwave it later. Plus, there's starving kids in Ethiopia so I can't let them just throw it away! Bein ' chubby definitely has it's upside. Like I've said before, I can do one helluva truffle shuffle . If I fall (which I tend to do every now and again), I have plenty of cushion to keep my bones safer. I'm very cuddly and soft ...

This year we wanted to have a party with all of our friends that was all about Christmas. Atleast the food, presents, and drinkin' part of Christmas anyways. Amazingly enough, pretty much everybody did bring food and some dang good food at that! I love food. Have I mentioned that before? We had so much freakin' food it was insane. I wish I had gotten a picture of all of it, but I just got this one from early on. We wanted to wait until most everybody got there before we started eating. Everybody did different things to pass the time. Some slept..... Some practiced the newest gang signs from the "Gang Signs for Dummies" book they got for Christmas..... .....and when he realized he hadn't gotten past chapter two of the book, he moved on to other things to do to pass the time...... Seriously, you gotta know not to pass out in a room full of people. Even if it's your friends, because even your own friends can be evil..... Once most everyone arrived and we all ha...

I was sittin ' here just workin ' along then BAAAAM I hit a stupid wall. I'm pooped. Pooped totally. No more el worko for me-o. Can't do it. My eyes don't wanna stay open. I feel like barfing up my lunch. Not sure why, maybe because it would wake me up for a minute or maybe it's because I ate an onion sammich for lunch. I dunno. I think it's time to hang up my awesome party pants for a minute or two. I'm about partied out. This was the first Christmas that everything was at our house. All the shopping, all the preparation, all the cookin ' and cleanin ' and all with two kids that were outta school and ready for Santa. Well, one and a half kids, because the boy keeps himself entertained and stays behaved, but the girl she's a WHOLE nother story! She's like three kids all rolled into one...always attached to my hip. Right there always. There was Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas Lunch/Dinner. There was my parents, his par...

I know, I know. I haven't told anybody, because, well......it's totally not true. However, should I have a high school reunion come up outta no where, that's totally what I'm telling everybody! Tonight, I needed to figure out what I'm wearing to a wedding tomorrow. I have an awesome pencil skirt (which is short enough to show the kick ass scab on my knee from when I fell on the ice!), a burgundy sexy satiny pin-up style shirt that the girls TOTALLY look fantastic in, fishnet stockings and my favorite slut shoes. I NEVER dress up like this so I was pretty excited when I headed for the mirror. Looking straight on in the mirror....dead sexy bitches! DEAD SEXY! Then I turned to the side to check out my ass and I instead noticed my..... big... 'o ...belly. It was all "HEELLLOOO" (my belly has and Irish accent). My belly has obviously gotten jealous of the bootiliciousness of my behind when I wear my butt panties, so it figured it was time to pick up the pac...

Yesterday I got an email about "you know you're a kid of the 80's if......". There were things there I had totally forgotten about. It really took me back to being a kid. I LOVED being a kid. I suppose that's why I'm still and always will be one at heart. My favorites were those plastic charm necklaces. Oh how I wish I still had mine. A friend and I would walk to the Container Store (much different in the 80's) and spend out $2 allowance on a new charm every week. Oh Lord I loved those things! I must MUST get on ebay and buy myself one, but damn, have you seen how much they go for? I also had banana clips out the wazoo. I wore one all the time so I could pull my hair back and people could see the lines I had shaved in my hair on the sides of my head. I thought I was so awesome....even then. Remember when it was worth gettin' up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons? I did that even after all my friends had stopped. I totally loved Galaxy High and the S...