Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I Hit A Retard Once and Haven't Been the Same Since

When I was in school, I was a proud member (the only member as it turns out) of the pickin' on people police. I hated seein' people get picked on. I had been known to go to extremes whenever I saw someone pickin' on somebody else. It started with me just runnin' my mouth at whoever the aggressor was. Then I moved on to hittin' people with rulers and eventually desk chairs. I hated bullies.

As much as I felt bad for some people and would stand up for them no matter what, I totally knocked a retard to the ground once. He wore a helmet, he had big ass buck teeth and he kinda shuffled when he walked. Bless his heart. Yeah, No....

Retarded dude was a TOTAL perv. My first encounter with his little gnarly rovin' hands was him grabbin' my butt. I turned around all giggly thinkin' it'd be one of my boys...and came to a screeching halt when I saw retard boy's bucktoothed retard smile. I'm sure I said somethin' along the lines of "your a funny little man" and turned back around.

Not two weeks later, retard boy grabbed my tit. Wha? At this point I probably said to his retard bucktoothed smilin' face somethin' like "C'mon retard boy, you know you can't be doin' that" and I went on about my business. He was retarded after all. Maybe all this was part of his retardness. Uh, no.

The next day, we had a fire drill and the entire school flocked out to the lawn. As I stood there talkin' to somebody, retard boy comes and and takes a grab at my VAGINA. I said nothin'. I just closed my fist and swung retard style with all my might and nailed retard boy in his retard helmet, knockin' him to the ground. I was furious and disgusted. Retard or not, you can't be all grabbin' on my vagina. He laid there for a bit and flopped around like a fish before his keeper realized what was goin' on. I went to the office, but what were they gonna do? He GRABBED MY VAGINA and people saw it. I got a talkin' to about not hittin' people and was let go.

I had to turn in my pickin' on people police badge that day and haven't been the same since.

5 comments:

Imnotbenny said...

I'm fairly certain that if you took every word that was ever created and dumped them in a big pile of wordy, and mixed and matched them for 10,000 years, it would be impossible to come up with a string of words more kick-assier than "you can't be all grabbin' on my vagina".

'Cuz I Felt Like It! said...

That was so much funnier reading it when you wrote it!

Lana said...

i bet that groper took one look at your badge, knew you were all business, and faked the whole retard bit just to get a feel while everyone watched.

in other words, fuck yeah for hitting that perv!

'Cuz I Felt Like It! said...

Stupid retard perv got what he deserved!

Tori said...

HAHAHA!! Nice!!
There was a retarded guy we called "Birdman" cuz he gave us the finger everytime our bus passed him. Rude!!

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