Skip to main content

I Hit A Retard Once and Haven't Been the Same Since

When I was in school, I was a proud member (the only member as it turns out) of the pickin' on people police. I hated seein' people get picked on. I had been known to go to extremes whenever I saw someone pickin' on somebody else. It started with me just runnin' my mouth at whoever the aggressor was. Then I moved on to hittin' people with rulers and eventually desk chairs. I hated bullies.

As much as I felt bad for some people and would stand up for them no matter what, I totally knocked a retard to the ground once. He wore a helmet, he had big ass buck teeth and he kinda shuffled when he walked. Bless his heart. Yeah, No....

Retarded dude was a TOTAL perv. My first encounter with his little gnarly rovin' hands was him grabbin' my butt. I turned around all giggly thinkin' it'd be one of my boys...and came to a screeching halt when I saw retard boy's bucktoothed retard smile. I'm sure I said somethin' along the lines of "your a funny little man" and turned back around.

Not two weeks later, retard boy grabbed my tit. Wha? At this point I probably said to his retard bucktoothed smilin' face somethin' like "C'mon retard boy, you know you can't be doin' that" and I went on about my business. He was retarded after all. Maybe all this was part of his retardness. Uh, no.

The next day, we had a fire drill and the entire school flocked out to the lawn. As I stood there talkin' to somebody, retard boy comes and and takes a grab at my VAGINA. I said nothin'. I just closed my fist and swung retard style with all my might and nailed retard boy in his retard helmet, knockin' him to the ground. I was furious and disgusted. Retard or not, you can't be all grabbin' on my vagina. He laid there for a bit and flopped around like a fish before his keeper realized what was goin' on. I went to the office, but what were they gonna do? He GRABBED MY VAGINA and people saw it. I got a talkin' to about not hittin' people and was let go.

I had to turn in my pickin' on people police badge that day and haven't been the same since.


Imnotbenny said…
I'm fairly certain that if you took every word that was ever created and dumped them in a big pile of wordy, and mixed and matched them for 10,000 years, it would be impossible to come up with a string of words more kick-assier than "you can't be all grabbin' on my vagina".
That was so much funnier reading it when you wrote it!
Lana said…
i bet that groper took one look at your badge, knew you were all business, and faked the whole retard bit just to get a feel while everyone watched.

in other words, fuck yeah for hitting that perv!
Stupid retard perv got what he deserved!
Tori said…
HAHAHA!! Nice!!
There was a retarded guy we called "Birdman" cuz he gave us the finger everytime our bus passed him. Rude!!

Popular posts from this blog

Where I'm At

I have no internet access at work and it's killin' me. It's nuts how hooked on that shit I am! I'm used to havin' Facebook open all day.....chattin' with friends, lookin' at all the stupid shit mas. One day, I'm gonna go missin' and my new co-workers are gonna find me huddled in a corner rockin' back and forth droolin' on myself mumblin' somethin' about Facebook destroyin' my life. I hope they just put me outta my misery right then and there.......

Unfortunately, my blog's gonna take the biggest hit. I've always blogged from from work. It was nice and quiet and I could THINK which is somethin' that's dang near impossible to do at home. This whole havin' a husband and kids thing doesn't really afford me the time or the quiet I need to write.

Today though I decided I don't really care about all those hours of Facebook updates. They were amusing at work, but once I'm at home, ehhh...…

Speakin' of Idiocy

When I was 14, a friend told me they had taken the word gullible out of the dictionary. I asked "why?"..... she said "You're so gulllible"...I said "yeah, why did they take the word out of the dictionary?" Again, she said "You're so gullible." ........"fine, I'm why the hell'd they take the damn word outta the diction....."
Then it hit me. I got it. I'd never felt more like an idiot than I did at that very moment.
I'd like to think of myself as a pretty smart chick....maybe not in the book sense, but at least in COMMONsense. However.....I took things to a whole new level of idiocy that day....and I ain't proud to say it, but I FAR surpassed that today...and despite the fact that I haven't blogged in MONTHS, I felt the need to share just what a gullible idiot I can be.
.....and so it goes.....
Today on my lunch break I picked up a Creative Loafing. I'm just readin'…

Adam's Obit and Guestbook

The AJC posted an awesome article about Adam and Saturday night. Somebody finally got it right....mostly. Like everything else, it'll make you cry.

His Obituary has also been posted. There are a lot of great positive messages that have been left in the Guestbook.

A friend of mine sent me this picture from Saturday night. There's a lot I'd like to say about it, but it just ain't comin' out yet.

The viewing will be at Wages Funeral home on 78, Tuesday from 4pm-8pm.The Funeral will be Wednesday at 11am at Wages with burial @ 5pm in Leesburg, Ga.Wages Funeral Home, 3705 Highway 78 W, Snellville, GA 30039, (770) 979-3200