Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I Hit A Retard Once and Haven't Been the Same Since

When I was in school, I was a proud member (the only member as it turns out) of the pickin' on people police. I hated seein' people get picked on. I had been known to go to extremes whenever I saw someone pickin' on somebody else. It started with me just runnin' my mouth at whoever the aggressor was. Then I moved on to hittin' people with rulers and eventually desk chairs. I hated bullies.

As much as I felt bad for some people and would stand up for them no matter what, I totally knocked a retard to the ground once. He wore a helmet, he had big ass buck teeth and he kinda shuffled when he walked. Bless his heart. Yeah, No....

Retarded dude was a TOTAL perv. My first encounter with his little gnarly rovin' hands was him grabbin' my butt. I turned around all giggly thinkin' it'd be one of my boys...and came to a screeching halt when I saw retard boy's bucktoothed retard smile. I'm sure I said somethin' along the lines of "your a funny little man" and turned back around.

Not two weeks later, retard boy grabbed my tit. Wha? At this point I probably said to his retard bucktoothed smilin' face somethin' like "C'mon retard boy, you know you can't be doin' that" and I went on about my business. He was retarded after all. Maybe all this was part of his retardness. Uh, no.

The next day, we had a fire drill and the entire school flocked out to the lawn. As I stood there talkin' to somebody, retard boy comes and and takes a grab at my VAGINA. I said nothin'. I just closed my fist and swung retard style with all my might and nailed retard boy in his retard helmet, knockin' him to the ground. I was furious and disgusted. Retard or not, you can't be all grabbin' on my vagina. He laid there for a bit and flopped around like a fish before his keeper realized what was goin' on. I went to the office, but what were they gonna do? He GRABBED MY VAGINA and people saw it. I got a talkin' to about not hittin' people and was let go.

I had to turn in my pickin' on people police badge that day and haven't been the same since.


Imnotbenny said...

I'm fairly certain that if you took every word that was ever created and dumped them in a big pile of wordy, and mixed and matched them for 10,000 years, it would be impossible to come up with a string of words more kick-assier than "you can't be all grabbin' on my vagina".

'Cuz I Felt Like It! said...

That was so much funnier reading it when you wrote it!

Lana said...

i bet that groper took one look at your badge, knew you were all business, and faked the whole retard bit just to get a feel while everyone watched.

in other words, fuck yeah for hitting that perv!

'Cuz I Felt Like It! said...

Stupid retard perv got what he deserved!

Tori said...

HAHAHA!! Nice!!
There was a retarded guy we called "Birdman" cuz he gave us the finger everytime our bus passed him. Rude!!

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