10 Things I Hate A Lot Part Deux

I hate it when people beat around the bush. You got somethin' to say, just say it already. If you're gonna beat around the bush, I'm gonna play stupid and pretend I have no clue what you're talkin' about. Life's too short to play guessing games. It's like I tell my kids, you can't bullshit a bullshitter.....spit it out.

I hate slow drivers. Holy shit. The get it lane ain't the place to be doin' 55. If you look in your mirror and you can't see my head lights....it's because I'm on your ass. GET OVER!

I hate it when I get on an elevator and my stomach starts doin' flippdydoos....I got gas. You know. You're sittin' there all crampy and you think "I'll just let it slip"....then the elevator stops to let someone else on. That sucks. I'm tired of having gas all the time.

I hate it that I gotta pull a chunk of my hair outta the drain in the shower everytime I wash it. That shit is NASTY. Some of it always hangs part way down the drain and reaches out to it's lost hair brothers and sisters and cousins so they can make more hair babies so when I pull it up, I also pull up some hair that's been down there for weeks collecting all kindsa crap. Uhh...I just threw up in my mouth a little.

I hate looking for pictures on flickr to include in my blog and somehow coming across one of myself where I was skinny for a minute (came across this one when I was looking for a picture of a rearview mirror....weird). Yes, I do love buns. Especially J's. You should see his ass.....freakin' awesome I tell ya....he's got a BIG OL' ASS!!!...and I have none.....another thing I hate....ugh.

I hate razor burn. HATE IT. Especially during the summer. I'm about the hottest most sweatinest person ever so razor burn blows. I must get some of this......It works for reals.

I hate people that think smokers are criminals. Really? They smoke yo. That shit ain't illegal so shut your mouth about it already. Why you gotta be all eyeballin' somebody when you walk into a bar and on the way in you gotta walk through a cloud of smoke. You're the reason they're smoking outside on the sidewalk! SHUT UP! Find something else to bitch about. Enough is enough already! Gah.

I hate it when flowers I plant up and die for no reason at all. Plenty of water, plenty of sun, still they die. I spent time and money trying to find just the right flowers. I'm all "hey, little flowers....who wants to go home with me today"?.....and I spend the next hour walking around saying that to all kinds of flowers. I painstakingly pick them out.....then they die.

Even though they cause me endless amounts of entertainment, I hate fake ass people. Why be fake? Everybody can see through that shit yo and you just end up embarrassin' yerself.

I hate that my car speakers don't have enough bass. When I wanna dance and I just ain't feelin' it, there's a problem. BASS! I need more BASS!!!!

The end.

Oops! I Did It Again!

I wrecked my car.....again. Just a fender bender this time. I was in that awesome after work bumper to bumper traffic on the highway. I sneezed....and I sneezed again and again and then a snot rocket flew outta my nose. As I go to wipe the hangin' snot outta my nose....BAM. I hit a car. What really sucked was when I hit the car my snot covered hand slid up and smeared on the lense of my glasses. Awesome. Just fuckin' awesome and to top it all off, I got another ticket. I get home and I'm all pissy and shit. Jeremy says "Why you so pissy?" Uh, HELLO? I just wrecked my stupid fuckin' car! He says, "you're not used to that by now?" Admittedly, I've had a few problems with bumpin' into cars and other things here and there, but dang....it ain't like it's ever my fault. Psht. Like this one time, the girl was in the backseat and needed a kleenex. I turned around to gave one to her. I hit a car. It was dead stopped at a red light. ...

What an Asshole

Awesome. That's what I am. So awesome that I'm featured on Cooking for Asshole's blog and I didn't have to pay him one penny. Not that he's anything special, but at least he recognizes me for all of my awesomeness....even though he totally talks shit about me and says something about me being Japanese just because I couldn't my panties on right one day...psht....what an asshole. Despite the fact that he's an asshole, he writes one of my favorite blogs . He thinks we're all stupid and suck ass at cookin '. He will berate you and belittle you and cook a pork roast at the same time. Be aware though....he cooks a bunch vegetarian hippie shit......claiming his wife's a vegetarian....I think meat just gives him the shits so he doesn't make a lot of it. If you're one of them beer drinkers, this Asshole thinks he's some sorta beer connoisseur (I say he's just a drunk). He drinks all kinds weird shit. I mean really, why not just sit do...

APB....Little Jimmy is Missing!!!

It's December 1st and Little Jimmy shoulda made his first appearance at the house this morning. Evidently, I hid Little Jimmy so good that last time last year that even I can't find him. This is no bueno. Little Jimmy is an Elf on the Shelf . We read the book, he shows up in a different spot every morning and watches and reports back to Santa every night. Seriously. The boy gets it. He knows. The elf ain't nothin' but a stuffed doll. The girl....she still believes. She was snoopin' around a week or so ago and found the book that Little Jimmy is SUPPOSED to be stuffed in after Christmas and said "Mom! Little Jimmy's not in his book! He's gone back to the North Pole to get all his instructions!" "Dammit. She STILL believes in Little Jimmy", I remember thinkin'. I mean really, you try comin' up with 30 different hidin' spots for a little elf that won't take your kids more than a few minutes to find every mornin...

'Cuz I Felt Like It!

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