'Cuz I Felt Like It!

Rain. Dear rain god....enough already. The joke's up. We get the message, whatever the hell it may be. I understand we had a lot of catchin' up to do after years of the worst drought our state has seen and I know you're tired of Georgia and Florida fightin' over water rights.....Florida needs water for their clams, Georgia for their people and yes the fight got old, but SHIT.....ENOUGH ALREADY. My back, hands and sanity can't take it anymore. Basements are NOT meant to be lakes. My eyelids. Every time I wear eyeliner, it transfers itself from just above my lash line to mid eyelid. Bastard eyelids bein' all droopy and shit. Scratch that....bastard eyeliner for suckin' ass and not stayin' where I put that shit. Goin' to the bathroom and realizin' there's no toilet paper one nanosecond too late. My husband's job. Dear husband's job, you are causin' way too much stress in Jeremy's life, therefore you are causin' way too much s...

I hate it when people beat around the bush. You got somethin' to say, just say it already. If you're gonna beat around the bush, I'm gonna play stupid and pretend I have no clue what you're talkin' about. Life's too short to play guessing games. It's like I tell my kids, you can't bullshit a bullshitter.....spit it out. I hate slow drivers. Holy shit. The get it lane ain't the place to be doin' 55. If you look in your mirror and you can't see my head lights....it's because I'm on your ass. GET OVER! I hate it when I get on an elevator and my stomach starts doin' flippdydoos....I got gas. You know. You're sittin' there all crampy and you think "I'll just let it slip"....then the elevator stops to let someone else on. That sucks. I'm tired of having gas all the time. I hate it that I gotta pull a chunk of my hair outta the drain in the shower everytime I wash it. That shit is NASTY. Some of it always hangs...