Speakin' of Idiocy

When I was 14, a friend told me they had taken the word gullible out of the dictionary. I asked "why?"..... she said "You're so gulllible"...I said "yeah, whatever...now why did they take the word out of the dictionary?" Again, she said "You're so gullible." ........"fine, I'm gullible...now why the hell'd they take the damn word outta the diction....."

Then it hit me. I got it. I'd never felt more like an idiot than I did at that very moment.

I'd like to think of myself as a pretty smart chick....maybe not in the book sense, but at least in COMMONsense. However.....I took things to a whole new level of idiocy that day....and I ain't proud to say it, but I FAR surpassed that today...and despite the fact that I haven't blogged in MONTHS, I felt the need to share just what a gullible idiot I can be.

.....and so it goes.....

Today on my lunch break I picked up a Creative Loafing. I'm just readin'away....doo doo doo doo doo doo (my readin' noise you see)..and I take pause when I read that Atlanta's broke ass transit system is gonna start transportin' livestock for extra cash.....somethin'about a new train line that'll go out to the country or some junk. Hmmmm...ok...weird....but whatever.

I'm kinda just a skimmer when it comes to readin' news stories so I flip the page and read that one of Atlanta's fanciest restaurants, Bacchinalia, is closin' and the owners have decided to open a chain of hot dog stands. What the fuck? Really???....that's fucked up.....

Interestin' stuff here....so I flip back again......to read some junk about Big Poppa's true identity finally bein' revealed. Whether we want to admit it or not, most all of us know who Kim Zolciack is....and to know Kim Zolciack is to have heard of Big Poppa......right? Well according to the latest Creative Loafing, Atlanta's very own Mayor Kasim Reed is Big Poppa. "Ain't no fuckin' way", I say outloud catchin' the attention of my co-worker Kansas. So I explain to her....even though she claims to have never heard of Kim OR Big Poppa (she totally lies).....I get fed up with playin' her "I don't know who that is" game so I went to someone in another department that I was sure knew who they were....

.....and that person said...."I thought Big Poppa was a white dude who owned that mall that had their power cut off...."

So I went to grab the paper and bring it back to show her......

When I got back to her she was on the phone with a customer.....

So I flip the page to see if there are any more detes about Atlanta's mayor bonin' the wig wearin', Google Me singin' Kim Z......and then somethin' else catches my eye.....

"Clermont Lounge Leaves Namesake for City Hall East"......

Now, I've heard all kindsa tales about the Clermont Hotel bein' foreclosed on and what would become of the fancy strip club that occupied its basement......and here was the latest.....

The Clermont Lounge had moved in August to the former City Hall East building in Atlanta and was now called Blondie's Geriatric Jiggle Joint.

My first thought....."The Clermont moved in August? Where the fuck was I? Then......"Geriatric Jiggle Joint? I wonder how the young girls that work there feel about that......maybe they ain't got any young girls anymore....." Then...."I can't imagine Blondie lettin' anybody call her geriatric......"

Then it hit me.....

I almost franticlly flipped back a page to re-read the title of the article. "2011 the Year in Review".

Wait a dadgum minute. It's only four frikkin' days into 2011. What the sam hell's goin ' on here?......annnnnd then the lightbulb clicks on.

So yeah....Atlanta's Mayor totally ain't Big Poppa....you'll find no pigs or chickens on Marta....the owners of Bacchanalia ain't openin' up a bunch of hot dog stands.....and you can still sit at the sticky ass duct taped bar in the basement of the Clermont and check out some 66 year old vag.

As for me.....I quit. I'm done. You hear me? Done.

Oops! I Did It Again!

I wrecked my car.....again. Just a fender bender this time. I was in that awesome after work bumper to bumper traffic on the highway. I sneezed....and I sneezed again and again and then a snot rocket flew outta my nose. As I go to wipe the hangin' snot outta my nose....BAM. I hit a car. What really sucked was when I hit the car my snot covered hand slid up and smeared on the lense of my glasses. Awesome. Just fuckin' awesome and to top it all off, I got another ticket. I get home and I'm all pissy and shit. Jeremy says "Why you so pissy?" Uh, HELLO? I just wrecked my stupid fuckin' car! He says, "you're not used to that by now?" Admittedly, I've had a few problems with bumpin' into cars and other things here and there, but dang....it ain't like it's ever my fault. Psht. Like this one time, the girl was in the backseat and needed a kleenex. I turned around to gave one to her. I hit a car. It was dead stopped at a red light. ...

In the Car

Everyday this week, I've had to bring the kids to work with me. Since they're completely terrified of me (psht), they've kept their little kid selves in line. On the way to work this morning, the girl taught the boy how to hand crochet. He was pretty hesitant at first, because "boys don't do that kinda crap"....that's until she told him of her grand plan to make 'em and sell 'em to the people I work with. The second money was involved, he was all in. In less than 10 minutes, he was well on his way to making his first hand crocheted scarf. It's amazing what can get accomplished in the hour and a half it takes to get to work. By the time we arrived, the boy had completed his very first scarf. All I can seem to get accomplished is drinking coffee..... Mmmm.....Starbucks. I totally thought I was over it. I was wrong. So, how is the girl's grand plan goin' you might be wondering. Uh yeah.....she's made $32 so far. As for the boy,...

What an Asshole

Awesome. That's what I am. So awesome that I'm featured on Cooking for Asshole's blog and I didn't have to pay him one penny. Not that he's anything special, but at least he recognizes me for all of my awesomeness....even though he totally talks shit about me and says something about me being Japanese just because I couldn't my panties on right one day...psht....what an asshole. Despite the fact that he's an asshole, he writes one of my favorite blogs . He thinks we're all stupid and suck ass at cookin '. He will berate you and belittle you and cook a pork roast at the same time. Be aware though....he cooks a bunch vegetarian hippie shit......claiming his wife's a vegetarian....I think meat just gives him the shits so he doesn't make a lot of it. If you're one of them beer drinkers, this Asshole thinks he's some sorta beer connoisseur (I say he's just a drunk). He drinks all kinds weird shit. I mean really, why not just sit do...

'Cuz I Felt Like It!

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