'Cuz I Felt Like It!

I know, I know. I haven't told anybody, because, well......it's totally not true. However, should I have a high school reunion come up outta no where, that's totally what I'm telling everybody! Tonight, I needed to figure out what I'm wearing to a wedding tomorrow. I have an awesome pencil skirt (which is short enough to show the kick ass scab on my knee from when I fell on the ice!), a burgundy sexy satiny pin-up style shirt that the girls TOTALLY look fantastic in, fishnet stockings and my favorite slut shoes. I NEVER dress up like this so I was pretty excited when I headed for the mirror. Looking straight on in the mirror....dead sexy bitches! DEAD SEXY! Then I turned to the side to check out my ass and I instead noticed my..... big... 'o ...belly. It was all "HEELLLOOO" (my belly has and Irish accent). My belly has obviously gotten jealous of the bootiliciousness of my behind when I wear my butt panties, so it figured it was time to pick up the pac...

I have admittedly gained back all the weight I lost from taking fat crack a couple years ago. It was nice bein ' thinner and all, but damn, I love to eat and without fat crack, I do eat.......a lot. It's like my favorite past time. There's this restaurant down the street from us that has the BEST crabcake sandwich EVER (I love me some crabcakes! If I were ever to get my knuckles tattooed they'd say Crab Cake) and some very delicious calamari and I will put all of it right into my belly. I mean I might be about to barf half way through eating it all, but I know it won't be even half as good if I take it home and microwave it later. Plus, there's starving kids in Ethiopia so I can't let them just throw it away! Bein ' chubby definitely has it's upside. Like I've said before, I can do one helluva truffle shuffle . If I fall (which I tend to do every now and again), I have plenty of cushion to keep my bones safer. I'm very cuddly and soft ...