A Little Bit of Halloween

Friday we took the kids to a car dealership for a Halloween party. Honestly, I just wanted to go for the free Hooters hot wings and save myself a night of cookin' dinner. I'm so over cookin' dinner (Even though I totally cooked cow tongue over the weekend....stay tuned!).

Last year the girl won first place in the costume contest and won a $100 gift card to Target. I was all "WOO HOO...I'm goin' shoppin' at Target". She was all "uh, no mom....I won, you didn't." So I was all....."Yeah well, I bought that shit you're wearin' and I put your makeup on and I drove you to damn contest....so WOO HOO....I'm goin' shoppin' at Target!"

I got a pack of gum.

This year, she got second place. She was disappointed her gift card was only $35. I told her if she complained again, I was gonna hand it over to the kid in the dirty poodle costume, because not only did it look like she needed it, she would probably appreciate it. She shut up then.

The boy decided not to dress up this year. Well, I guess it'd be kinda hard to dress up when his costume hasn't come in yet. He'd totally have worn it otherwise I'm sure. I love this picture....I'm not sure what he was yellin' at.

He could be yellin' at the same to shit ass kids I had to yell at for throwin' hay on the hay ride. I hate bein' that parent...you know the one that's all mean and shit to someone else's kids. Maybe if their fat assed uncle all hangin' out with his front butt coulda got on the ride with them, he coulda yelled at 'em instead...but no....he was too fat. All I gotta say is I don't blame that man for slappin' that screamin' ass kid in Walmart.

My kids however, are always PERFECT in public.....

Once we left, we decided to take the kids to the "haunted" covered bridge in Smyrna. (Picture borrowed.....we went at night.)

There's all kindsa stories floatin' around about this bridge. Somethin' about witches bein' hung there and hauntin' the bridge, ghosts of water babies that were buried by the creek and one about puttin' a candy bar on the roof of your car, turnin' off your headlights and hearin' the feet of ghost children comin' up to get the candy bar. Uh....yeah. You turn your lights off while your on the ONE lane covered bridge, there's a good chance your ass'll be hautin' the place one day, because you'll probably die when someone crashes into you.

The boy was SUPER excited about goin'. He loves paranormal ghostly stuff. The scarier the better. He was very quiet. Very serious. Very ready to see somethin' awesome. The girl was on the verge of hyperventilating. She was sobbin'. Beggin' to turn around. Beggin' to just go home.

We drove through very slowly and Jeremy and I both screamed at the same time scarin' the ever livin' shit outta both the kids. It was total awesomeness.

Oops! I Did It Again!

I wrecked my car.....again. Just a fender bender this time. I was in that awesome after work bumper to bumper traffic on the highway. I sneezed....and I sneezed again and again and then a snot rocket flew outta my nose. As I go to wipe the hangin' snot outta my nose....BAM. I hit a car. What really sucked was when I hit the car my snot covered hand slid up and smeared on the lense of my glasses. Awesome. Just fuckin' awesome and to top it all off, I got another ticket. I get home and I'm all pissy and shit. Jeremy says "Why you so pissy?" Uh, HELLO? I just wrecked my stupid fuckin' car! He says, "you're not used to that by now?" Admittedly, I've had a few problems with bumpin' into cars and other things here and there, but dang....it ain't like it's ever my fault. Psht. Like this one time, the girl was in the backseat and needed a kleenex. I turned around to gave one to her. I hit a car. It was dead stopped at a red light. ...

In the Car

Everyday this week, I've had to bring the kids to work with me. Since they're completely terrified of me (psht), they've kept their little kid selves in line. On the way to work this morning, the girl taught the boy how to hand crochet. He was pretty hesitant at first, because "boys don't do that kinda crap"....that's until she told him of her grand plan to make 'em and sell 'em to the people I work with. The second money was involved, he was all in. In less than 10 minutes, he was well on his way to making his first hand crocheted scarf. It's amazing what can get accomplished in the hour and a half it takes to get to work. By the time we arrived, the boy had completed his very first scarf. All I can seem to get accomplished is drinking coffee..... Mmmm.....Starbucks. I totally thought I was over it. I was wrong. So, how is the girl's grand plan goin' you might be wondering. Uh yeah.....she's made $32 so far. As for the boy,...

What an Asshole

Awesome. That's what I am. So awesome that I'm featured on Cooking for Asshole's blog and I didn't have to pay him one penny. Not that he's anything special, but at least he recognizes me for all of my awesomeness....even though he totally talks shit about me and says something about me being Japanese just because I couldn't my panties on right one day...psht....what an asshole. Despite the fact that he's an asshole, he writes one of my favorite blogs . He thinks we're all stupid and suck ass at cookin '. He will berate you and belittle you and cook a pork roast at the same time. Be aware though....he cooks a bunch vegetarian hippie shit......claiming his wife's a vegetarian....I think meat just gives him the shits so he doesn't make a lot of it. If you're one of them beer drinkers, this Asshole thinks he's some sorta beer connoisseur (I say he's just a drunk). He drinks all kinds weird shit. I mean really, why not just sit do...

'Cuz I Felt Like It!

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