Skip to main content

Weird Ass People

Some people think I'm weird. People that don't know me. They see me with my big red frizzy afro hair, lots of tattoos and my constant singin' of Christmas carols. Nope, not weird. I'm about as average as average can get. I take kids to school, I work, I cook dinner and I clean. I'm awesome, but not weird.

I've seen some weird people in my life. People that make me stop, scrunch up my nose and go "what the fuck? really?". I LOVE these people. There just aren't enough weird people in this world.
When I was a teenager there was this boy that had his eyebrows shaved and had "Born to" tattooed where one eyebrow should be and "Revolt" on the other. He liked to do cartwheels....A LOT... and he always said vivivivivideo. Totally weird.
Before I was married, I lived in these apartments that were kinda ghetto. Ok, so they weren't kinda ghetto, they were total ghetto. The surrounding area was little Mexico and our apartments were full of Vietnamese people that were always squatin' on their stoops. They didn't sit or stand, they squated. Maybe it's just what they did, but to me, it was freakin' weird. Those apartments were AWESOME and chock full of weird ass people. There was this one lady that always came up to the front office. You couldn't understand a single word she said. Not a one, and she spoke english. She also had the most scraggly beard I'd ever seen. She was fantastic. I loved seein' her. Then there was a lady that rode up and down the road all the time in her wheel chair. Back and forth all day. She had no legs and some dude was always with her he was all barrel chested and always wore sunglasses and a dew rag on his head. He looked so freakin' tuff and a little weird.

When we lived in Dallas (this is country ass bumpkin Dallas I'm talkin' about, not the city in Texas) there was this weird black woman that walked the streets. She was always well dressed and clean lookin', but weirder than marshmallows in a microwave. Some days she'd stand on the side of the road and beat her tambourine singin' about Jesus, another day she yell what a dirty white slut mother fuckin' ho bag you were. She was ALWAYS on the street. The word was that her and her sister were walkin' to work one day and her sister crossed the street when she shouldn't have got ran over and died. I guess if I saw something like that, I might be a little wonky in the head too.

Then there was this weird white dude that walked the streets of Dallas....no, he danced the streets of Dallas in shawty shawt cut off jeans. That was some fine sweet ass white man dancin' too. He made me so happy. Dear dancin' man, I miss you so much.

Even though we moved from Dallas a couple years ago, we still got a weird black woman that hangs out on the street. It doesn't appear that she brushes her hair and she just sits there on the side on the road on a milk crate. Yep, that's it.....just sits there. Weird.
I love weird ass people.

Comments

Anonymous said…
what a great piece.
I wish I knew you,you sound like a hella cool person.
best wishes

Popular posts from this blog

Oops! I Did It Again!

I wrecked my car.....again. Just a fender bender this time. I was in that awesome after work bumper to bumper traffic on the highway. I sneezed....and I sneezed again and again and then a snot rocket flew outta my nose. As I go to wipe the hangin' snot outta my nose....BAM. I hit a car. What really sucked was when I hit the car my snot covered hand slid up and smeared on the lense of my glasses. Awesome. Just fuckin' awesome and to top it all off, I got another ticket. I get home and I'm all pissy and shit. Jeremy says "Why you so pissy?" Uh, HELLO? I just wrecked my stupid fuckin' car! He says, "you're not used to that by now?" Admittedly, I've had a few problems with bumpin' into cars and other things here and there, but dang....it ain't like it's ever my fault. Psht. Like this one time, the girl was in the backseat and needed a kleenex. I turned around to gave one to her. I hit a car. It was dead stopped at a red light. ...

In the Car

Everyday this week, I've had to bring the kids to work with me. Since they're completely terrified of me (psht), they've kept their little kid selves in line. On the way to work this morning, the girl taught the boy how to hand crochet. He was pretty hesitant at first, because "boys don't do that kinda crap"....that's until she told him of her grand plan to make 'em and sell 'em to the people I work with. The second money was involved, he was all in. In less than 10 minutes, he was well on his way to making his first hand crocheted scarf. It's amazing what can get accomplished in the hour and a half it takes to get to work. By the time we arrived, the boy had completed his very first scarf. All I can seem to get accomplished is drinking coffee..... Mmmm.....Starbucks. I totally thought I was over it. I was wrong. So, how is the girl's grand plan goin' you might be wondering. Uh yeah.....she's made $32 so far. As for the boy,...

What an Asshole

Awesome. That's what I am. So awesome that I'm featured on Cooking for Asshole's blog and I didn't have to pay him one penny. Not that he's anything special, but at least he recognizes me for all of my awesomeness....even though he totally talks shit about me and says something about me being Japanese just because I couldn't my panties on right one day...psht....what an asshole. Despite the fact that he's an asshole, he writes one of my favorite blogs . He thinks we're all stupid and suck ass at cookin '. He will berate you and belittle you and cook a pork roast at the same time. Be aware though....he cooks a bunch vegetarian hippie shit......claiming his wife's a vegetarian....I think meat just gives him the shits so he doesn't make a lot of it. If you're one of them beer drinkers, this Asshole thinks he's some sorta beer connoisseur (I say he's just a drunk). He drinks all kinds weird shit. I mean really, why not just sit do...