We're Just Gettin' Started

All successful Christmas Eve dinners start the same way......Drinks. Lots and lots of drinks.

Ok, so before DFACS comes knockin' on my door, the girl is NOT drinking beer. Her dad stopped and bought the kids a bottle of sparkling cider so they could be all fancy and stuff. Fancy...yeah. I guess if we were really fancy, they'd had champagne flutes to drink out of. At least it's not a red plastic cup.

Now, we all know that mama likes to drink and drink I did. It's my mom's fault. This year we drank some of the most awesome espresso martinis. A little Bailey's and vodka and we were well on our way.

I'm guessing it was the drinks that made this possible......

That's right........that's my my mom and J. In the SAME kitchen preparing stuff. Together. Ha! I so got that shit on film....well, not film. Digital cameras don't have film, but you get the picture. My mom was pulling lobster outta the shells and J was cuttin' it up. We had a bowl FULL of lobster. Mmmm.....lobster......

We also had beef tenderloin and I used a meat thermometer. You wanna talk about fancy, THAT my friends is fancy. For me, the way to cook any good cut of beef is about 2-3 minutes on each side. The bloodier the better. I love meat. Ha, Ha....I said I love meat.

Cooking and drinking. I love food. I love drinking. AND the girl wasn't all up under my feet. Oh wait...THE GIRL'S NOT ALL UP UNDER MY FEET!!! I panicked. Where's the girl? She's not attached to me. She's not talking my ear off. Oh hell, she must be passed out in her room. What if she ran away from home thinking that I wasn' t lying and Santa really ain't comin' to see her, because she really does sass mouth too much? ....then I found this.....Papaw was reading them The Night Before Christmas. That is way too freakin' cute!

Dinner was ready by 7 and we ate. And ate, and oh wait......We ate some more. Well actually the adults ate. The kids shoveled. They know that there's no opening gifts until food is in their bellies. They still haven't realized that no matter how fast they shovel, they still gotta wait until everyone is done. So they sit there practically foamin' at the mouth, bouncin' up and down like the gotta pee real bad. It's torture and I love it.

Finally......they get to open gifts.

Then we open our gifts.

I got my mom and step dad this sweet ass sign for their lake house...err....trailer. I'm so glad I found Carey at the Edge of the Wildwood. She really did an AMAZING job and they totally LOVED it.
I got my brother a sweet luchador mask. I think his girlfriend liked it more than he did....I can only imagine....eww.....no I can't. I won't.

Around 9 o'clock we were done and the house was a mess.....again. For like the 2,000th time that day. I swear I cleaned more on Christmas Eve than I have in the passed three months. I hate cleaning. A Lot. BUT it had to be done....again. and oh shit...maybe I should get the kids in bed so I can go to sleep some time before 2 o'clock.

We got the cookies out and left carrots for Santa's reindeer and shooed the kids off to bed. By 1 o'clock my head hit the pillow and I was OUT.

Can't wait for Christmas!

Oops! I Did It Again!

I wrecked my car.....again. Just a fender bender this time. I was in that awesome after work bumper to bumper traffic on the highway. I sneezed....and I sneezed again and again and then a snot rocket flew outta my nose. As I go to wipe the hangin' snot outta my nose....BAM. I hit a car. What really sucked was when I hit the car my snot covered hand slid up and smeared on the lense of my glasses. Awesome. Just fuckin' awesome and to top it all off, I got another ticket. I get home and I'm all pissy and shit. Jeremy says "Why you so pissy?" Uh, HELLO? I just wrecked my stupid fuckin' car! He says, "you're not used to that by now?" Admittedly, I've had a few problems with bumpin' into cars and other things here and there, but dang....it ain't like it's ever my fault. Psht. Like this one time, the girl was in the backseat and needed a kleenex. I turned around to gave one to her. I hit a car. It was dead stopped at a red light. ...

In the Car

Everyday this week, I've had to bring the kids to work with me. Since they're completely terrified of me (psht), they've kept their little kid selves in line. On the way to work this morning, the girl taught the boy how to hand crochet. He was pretty hesitant at first, because "boys don't do that kinda crap"....that's until she told him of her grand plan to make 'em and sell 'em to the people I work with. The second money was involved, he was all in. In less than 10 minutes, he was well on his way to making his first hand crocheted scarf. It's amazing what can get accomplished in the hour and a half it takes to get to work. By the time we arrived, the boy had completed his very first scarf. All I can seem to get accomplished is drinking coffee..... Mmmm.....Starbucks. I totally thought I was over it. I was wrong. So, how is the girl's grand plan goin' you might be wondering. Uh yeah.....she's made $32 so far. As for the boy,...

What an Asshole

Awesome. That's what I am. So awesome that I'm featured on Cooking for Asshole's blog and I didn't have to pay him one penny. Not that he's anything special, but at least he recognizes me for all of my awesomeness....even though he totally talks shit about me and says something about me being Japanese just because I couldn't my panties on right one day...psht....what an asshole. Despite the fact that he's an asshole, he writes one of my favorite blogs . He thinks we're all stupid and suck ass at cookin '. He will berate you and belittle you and cook a pork roast at the same time. Be aware though....he cooks a bunch vegetarian hippie shit......claiming his wife's a vegetarian....I think meat just gives him the shits so he doesn't make a lot of it. If you're one of them beer drinkers, this Asshole thinks he's some sorta beer connoisseur (I say he's just a drunk). He drinks all kinds weird shit. I mean really, why not just sit do...

'Cuz I Felt Like It!

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