Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Whatever Happened to Tighty Whities?

A friend and I went to Macy's today so she could buy a robe for her man friend for Father's Day. First off, let me point out that she took us the long way.....through the shoe department.....twice, but never mind that, let me get to the point.

Have you been to the men's underwear department in a Macy's lately??? Yeah well, I hadn't. Turns out, you gotta be gay to shop in that department now.

There was not a single pair of tighty whities in sight. Not even a single undershirt. Wait, I take that back. There were undershirts, they were just mesh with tattoo flash or skulls. Seriously, the underwear department should be called the men's panty department. Even the mannequins were gay! I'm totally not kiddin'! They were all standing like this....oh, wait you can't see me. I'll have to find a picture.........this is close enough....the other pictures I found totally made me gag a little and that's not what I'm goin' for.

So anyhow, all these mannequins were all skinny and waif like with skin tight shirts and pink panties.....err....underwear with their little ding dings all pokin' out. Holy baby jesus (yes, I just watched Days of Thunder again and this is my favorite new thing to say).

I just stood there in the men's underwear department at Macy's almost panicking. Is that what my boy's future is? Is that what today's man wears? I mean really. I thought I was all hip and shit shoppin' for J's underwear at know I can get Dickie's boxers and boxer briefs there.....but, but they're plaid! If I don't get underoos for my boys at Ross, I get them at Walmart. You're lucky to find gray and black at Walmart! Oh, man.......are we about to be in one great big fat gay pride parade? Come to think of it, that might be fun. Lots of glow sticks and sparklers, crazy costumes, half nekkid people and loud thumpin' techno.....ok....maybe not, but seriously, WHERE DID ALL THE TIGHTY WHITIES GO?!?!?

We headed outta Macy's and on the way out, one of the gay mannequins totally grabbed my boob. It was the craziest thing. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, I'm just glad he didn't fall over on me and start humpin' my leg or somethin'. This particular mannequin was wearing a suit, so who knows, maybe he wasn't gay.

Since I'm all talkin' about gay stuff, I wanna share a print with y'all that I came across on etsy that's by joehavasy. First of all let me say that I love unicorns, but not that much, because as I said in an early post them bitches can be FIERCE. What I loved about this painting was the title......

"He's Not Gay, He's a Unicorn"
I MUST have this print. I worship and adore it. He's not gay ...... he's just a unicorn.


Anonymous said...

wow, that was really bigoted. yay for ignorant stereotypes!

'Cuz I Felt Like It! said...

Harvard studies show that 99.9% of all the men that shop in the men's underwear department at Macy's are gay. I wasn't bein' a biggot, just statin' a fact. I think gay dudes are a gay sorta way.

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